Hetalia- Balkan episodes
by hetaliafiction14
Summary: In these episodes, I write about my OC, her neighbors and their ordeals through history. Hope you enjoy :) If you want to support my work, please visit my Profile for more information.
1. The Date

The scene of a green field with roses is shown. Suddenly a black-haired guy appears from the left.

"Hi, I'm Bulgaria. I am a Balkan country so you can imagine that life was not always easy for me" he says with his hand on the back of his head. He then smiles and adds: "But the beginning of the 21st century has been kind to me. It's been a few years since I've joined the EU and couldn't be happier." As he is saying this he smiles. There is a moment of silence. Bulgaria then slouches with a big sigh coming out of his mouth.

Next scene: A cafe with the sign "EU cafe" is seen. Greece is sitting alone there with a few of his cats keeping him company. Bulgaria passes him looking depressed. Greece waves to him and says: "Hey Bulgaria, why so blue?"

He looks at Greece and answers: "Oh, hi. I'm just thinking about something."

"Want to sit down and talk about it? I can lend you some of my cats. They always make me feel better" Greece says petting the one that jumped on his lap.

Bulgaria agrees and sits down ordering a drink. He orders rakija, Greece already has a shot of ouzo on the table. They cheer and drink their shots.

"That made me feel better" Bulgaria says while one of the cats strategically sits on his head and curls into a bowl.

"Me too. When I want to forget my troubles I always come here. They allow me to drink and sit for free. It's a nice perk."

"I understand what you mean. Still, I don't feel satisfied. I feel like something is missing" Bulgaria replies leaning his face on his hand. "Actually, I've been thinking about Macedonia a lot recently."

At that moment Greece looks at him. His usually laid-back demeanour changes as his eyes start glowing bright red and a dark purple aura surrounds him. All of the cats run away and the word "Triggered" appears above his head.

Bulgaria quickly corrects himself: "Sorry, I meant to say FYRM. Heh he. We're still cool, right?"

The glow and the dark aura disappear and Greece is back to his usual self again. "Sure."

They sit like that for a while until Bulgaria starts again. "So I've been thinking a lot about ...her and I really want to ask her out. I don't know if she feels the same way" he says looking sad.

"Well, have you asked her?" Greece asks.

Bulgaria bounces his two index fingers off of each other: "Not directly. I need a game plan."

Greece puts his finger on his chin pondering: "You know, you two being together would be good for me too. If she became one with you she would stop using the name she took from me." He then smiles happy.

Bulgaria smiles and asks cheerfully: "Say Greece, can I count on you to help me win her over?"

Greece nods. "But there is little I can do. We don't really talk and I don't know anyone who is especially close to that nation." He then remembers and yells: "Wait! Yes, I do!"

Next scene: There is a door which looks like it leads to a conference room. Inside, a voice is heard screaming: _"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"_

Serbia comes out looking tired and frustrated. She is in a business suit. Her hair is straight and up to her shoulders. The screaming is still heard when she closes the door she sighs heavily. "I need to get some fresh air."

Next scene: Greece and Bulgaria are still at the cafe. Serbia passes without seeing them.

"We're in luck. Hey Serbia, over here! Come have a drink with us" Greece calls her over.

Serbia turns, still in a bad mood, and heads their way. "Hey Greece how have you been? Bulgaria." Bulgaria nods, Greece offers her a seat.

"Oh no, non-EU countries have to pay here and it's a little bit expensive for me" she shakes her head.

"Not a problem. I'll order for you. It's free for me" Bulgaria says.

"My my my, what made you such a gentlemen all of a sudden" she smiles opening a pack of cigarettes and lighting one*.

 _*Disclaimer: Serbia is a smoker country. One comedian even joked that it is illegal NOT to smoke in Serbia :) During the 90s, many people had to smuggle cigarettes for a living. You can say that the country pretty much ran on its smoking addiction._

Next scene: The waiter brings Serbia a cup of coffee and a shot of rakija. They cheer and start talking.

"So what brings you her?" Greece asks.

"Oh, you know, problems with Kosovo" she says and exhales a puff of smoke.

Next scene: The screen goes grey from the smoke and we can see a scene there. It goes like this: It's early in the morning. Serbia is seen walking around the house, still drowsy, with one sock slipping, messy hair, in sleeping shorts and a pyjama top that doesn't match. She is brushing her teeth in the bathroom, when a little boy stumbles in there. You can see him rubbing his eyes and moaning still sleepy. The word "Kosovo" is written above his head.

"What's for breakfast?" he says.

Serbia turns around looking at him confused. A sentence appears above her head "There are no provinces on the show". A ding sound is heard as she realizes what is happening. She shivers from top to bottom with the toothbrush still in her mouth.

Next scene: They are sitting at a table covered in food. Kosovo is vacuuming the dishes with great appetite. Serbia is just sitting and staring at him: "So, Kosovo...what are you doing her? I mean how did you become a personification?"

"Hum hum hum mhmmf humhm mmmmmmmm fahm hmhum" he says with his mouth full.

"I see" Serbia says solemnly. "I must admit I imagined you differently."

As she says this we can see a white cloud where an old man with a long brown beard and a shaved top part of the head is laughing joyfully. Kosovo bursts the image bubble with a fork.

"I'll be going now" he says and burps.

Serbia shouts in panic: "Wait! Where are you going?! Why don't you stay here?"

"No way! I want my own place!" he says.

"No!" she replies angry and they end up staring angrily at each other in silence.

A small fan appears and blows away the smoke. We return to the trio in the cafe.

"That sounds rough. How are the other ex-Yu states?" Bulgaria asks eagerly.

Serbia looks at him suspiciously. "What's it to you?"

Bulgaria plays it cool. "Oh, you know. Just asking."

"It's about Macedonia, isn't it? Figures. What else would you want to talk to me about besides Macedonia. You are so stuck in the past! So what if Macedonia came to live with me back then. It was 100 years ago. Just let it go already!" she shouts while in the back Greece is seen looking angrier and angrier every time she says the name Macedonia.

"Serbia" Bulgaria utters with his mouth closed and big eyes pointing with his head in Greece's direction. A cold drop of sweat is seen on her head as she turns to see that Greece has been completely absorbed by his dark aura with pink lightning bolts surrounding him as if he was about to explode.

"Would you like a cigarette?" she asks with a nervous smile, offering her pack to him.

The aura immediately disappears and he happily accepts one.

"How can I let it go! You took her from me! We would have been so happy, if you didn't interfere! She only came with you because she thought you were a boy!" Bulgaria starts after seeing Greece is calm again.

"Oh, spare me the melodrama. I have enough of my own problems!" she says crossing her legs, with a cigarette elegantly held in her right hand. "Besides, if I was the only problem, how come you two didn't get together after she moved out?"

Bulgaria's face turns from angry to slightly embarrassed.

Serbia raises her eyebrow and slowly adds: "You did ask her out, didn't you?"

Bulgaria smiles nervously while rubbing his neck. She responds by rolling her eyes.

"That is what I wanted to ask you. I need your help to get her to meet with me. You don't have to do much" Bulgaria continues.

"Sure... I could use a fun distraction" she says bluntly.

Bulgaria screams "yes" and starts telling his plan. The camera goes to him. "Alright, this is how we are going to do it. You are going to call her and ask her to take a walk with you. Greece is going to dress as Turkey and pretend he is attacking you. She will get scared and I'll come and save..."

"Hi, Macy!" The screen goes back to Serbia who is talking on her phone. "How's have you been?"

Bulgaria stands there completely white. "Not now. I haven't told you the whole plan yet."

"Listen, Bulgaria wants to talk to you" she continues handing him the phone. He turns completely red. "Oh, grow a pair and ask the girl out" Serbia whispers pushing the phone in his face.

Bulgaria gulps and takes it: "Hi, it's me. Long time no see."

While Bulgaria talks on the phone Greece finishes his cigarette. The screen goes to him and Serbia while Bulgaria's voice is heard: _"So what are you doing these day? I was hoping we could go for some coffee or something."_

"I thought you quit smoking" Serbia says to Greece.

" _What! Really?!"_

"I didn't, I just couldn't afford them any more" he says and sighs.

" _That's great! When do you want to meet?"_

"Poor you. Here, have another one" she says offering him her pack again.

Bulgaria bursts on to the screen shouting happily: "She said yes!"

Next scene: Greece is sitting at his usual place with his cats. Bulgaria comes over looking depressed. He is dressed in a nice suit with his tie hanging loose. He sits down and buries his head in his hands.

"So how did your date go?" Greece says.

"It was great at first. She's was so cute" the other says with hearts forming around him.

"And then what happened?"

"Well...after an hour or so I just couldn't take it any more and I asked her to become one with Bulgaria. And then she said..."

We are shown Macedonia saying the following: "Actually I would prefer you becoming one with me. It would be great. Skopje would be the capital and we would put big statues of Alexander the Great all over the place."

The scene goes back to the speechless Greece and still sad Bulgaria. All of the cats run away again.

Then we see a bright big explosion and Greece's voice screaming: "MACEDONIA IS GREEEEEEEEEEEEECE!"


	2. Fortune-teller

_**This story takes place a year ago. China and Serbia rekindle their friendship after many many years of having little to no contact. Fortunately, for Serbia this leads to a very lucrative deal. Boobs will be mentioned. Romania appears briefly. This is a complete work of fiction...Duh ;)**_

The scene shows three girls in a dressing room. They are dressed in national attires and finishing their make-up. Serbia comes at the door and says: "Okay girls, the plane is almost here. Let's go."

"Just a second Ms. Serbia" one of the girls says while attaching a red rose behind her ear.

"Almost done" another adds while adding the fourth-coat of mascara.

"Jeez these socks are itchy. Do you miss wearing these outfits Ms. Serbia?" the third one says.

"Frankly, I wouldn't know. I used to wear boy's clothes back at in those days" she replies.

"Huh! How come?!" the 3 girls gasp.

"I'll tell you all about it another time" Serbia says and winks to the camera. "So, what's with your faces? I get the hair and costume. But the make-up?! I don't think a typical woman of that period had time to get dressed, put a tone of foundation, red store-bought lipstick, glue lashes she can use as a fan over her eyes and do a smokey-eye before milking the cows in the morning."

"It's about the presentation Ms. Serbia. It's our job to look pretty and smile all nice" one says and makes a pose flashing a stunning smile and immediately a frame of flowers appears around her.

"Could I please do your make-up Ms. Serbia?" another girl pleads.

"I already did it myself" she answers pointing to the barely-visible gloss on her lips. The 3 surround her with a menacing glow around them. Small words "plotting" come out of them.

"Girls, calm down. This is not funny" she turns her head scared.

"Do not worry Ms. Serbia. This will be over quickly" one says holding a tone of beauty products in her hand.

"We will make you look so pretty Ms. Serbia" the other two say in unison, holding something that resembles an eye torture device. The horror atmosphere is present more and more. Then all three jump on her with their scary shadows covering the screen. We can only hear Serbia's screams and bellyaching.

Next scene: At the airport, they and the officials are all waiting for Chinese officials to come. Serbia, now with a tone of make-up, is annoyed. "These stupid fake lashes!...I can barely see" she thinks to herself.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a plane arriving with their guests. They walk the red carpet and shake hands with everyone. China seems disinterested. He takes a small piece of bread with salt _(a symbolic promise to foreigners that they will be treated well during their stay)_ from the tray of one of the girls and shakes Serbia's hand without recognizing her. This makes her sad. _(She was hoping he remembered her from the time of Yugoslavia and that they could be friends again. She worried that she was too small of a country now to be considered time-worthy of such a powerful nations.)_

Next scene: At the conference. While the humans are talking, the two nations are shown bored out of their minds. China looks at the ceiling arched over his chair. Serbia listens to the "toing" sound her lashes make while she plays with them. They look at each other with the word "boredom" written above them.

"Wanna go and get some refreshments?" she finally says.

"I though you'd never ask" he answers standing up and rushing towards the door.

Next scene: At the lobby they sit down with their drinks and start talking. In the beginning, they don't know what to say but someone mentions old movies _(Chinese and Serbian)_ and an hour later they are laughing and talking, way too loudly, about everything under the sun.

At one moment, China mentions a viral video of a Chinese man predicting future by grabbing women's boobs: "Have you seen it? It is amazing how he does it. That man is clairvoyant. All the women he read fortune to said they were very satisfied." Serbia bursts out laughing and almost spits out her coffee. "Oh, I bet they were!"

Then she says a little calmer: "Making predictions believable is much easier than you think. I used to do that all the time while _reading coffee_ with Romania and Macy."

"What does _reading coffee_ mean?" he asks scratching his head.

"Well, I'll show you" she drinks the rest of her cup, swirls the bottom content on its white walls and lets it dry. Then she shows him the inside of the cup.

China looks at it confused: "It looks like a toilet bowl at a bad Take-out place."

Serbia looks at her cup not really understanding what he means. "No, look the cracks in the coffee form shapes. You can use them to create a story of what will happen in the future."

China looks at her as if she is crazy: "I don't get it."

She thinks for a second. "Look, it works for tea as well. How about we dry your tea cup and I read your fortune that way. Okay?"

"Okay?" he says and with his tea bowl imitates what she did earlier. After the tea leaves dry Serbia takes it and starts explaining: "Well, I don't see much but for presentation purposes it will do. So first, I start with something general."

She becomes quiet and then starts: "I see you are a very old nation who has had many turmoils."

China laughs: "Everyone knows that."

"See, that is how the tricksters get you. And then they continue with something like this. But your luck is about to change very quickly. I see great success in your future."

"Hmm, interesting. Go on."

"You will find fortune in the last place you think to look. It will be under your nose the whole time but it will be the last thing you see."

"I'm listening" China got intrigued.

"I see a nation with bushy eyebrows standing in your way. It is your enemy from the past. The time will come when you will give conditions to him" Serbia says staring at the cup, getting way into her predictions.

"And..."

"Someone owes you a great deal of money. He spent it all on hamburgers and pick-up trucks. The bushy brow and he are lovers."

"Wow! It's unbelievable!" China jumps from his chair. "Tell me more. What should I invest in next?!"

Serbia wants to wink to show him she's kidding but one of her lashes gets loose and jabs her in the eye. She starts shouting: "Eye! Eye! Eye!"

"AI? Do you mean Artificial Intelligence?"

"No, no. My lash, my lash!" she cries while rubbing her eye.

"Do you mean Mayflash?" China puts his finger on his chin.

Serbia doesn't answer but runs to the bathroom. When she returns, he had already left.

Next scene: It's early in the morning. Serbia is drowsily smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee. The usual breakfast. China bursts into the kitchen without knocking.

"Come in. Make yourself at home" she says thinking she must have dozed off into dreamland.

"Make me some of your horribly thick coffee!" he screams looking crazy.

She blinks confused.

China calms down and says politely: "Forgive me for intruding. I had to see you right away. Everything you predicted came true. I bought some AI and gaming companies and they all turned profit. Please read my fortune again."

Serbia realizes she is not dreaming, remembers what he was talking about and smiles: "My friend, I was just joking. I didn't see those things. I made it all up."

China looks at her and pleads: "I intend to pay you generously."

Serbia is slightly offended by this. She grabs her right forearm with her other hand and extends the other arm so to state that what she is about to say it important. Her eyes are still half-closed. "Listen China, I didn't mean to imply that you have to pay me. It's not about the money. I'm just explaining to you that what I 'saw' that day wasn't real. You made those investments entirely on your own and I..."

She stopped talking when she felt something heavy and smooth in her hand. She opened her eyes and saw a gigantic block of gold.

"I apologize for upsetting you. This is your share in my investment and there will be more to come. I understand now that you were joking. Still, that makes me even more curious about what you can predict when you are serious. With your predictions and my money, I assure you that your house will be covered in gold" he says sounding incredibly sincere.

Next scene: Serbia is on the phone calling someone. We can see Romania answering the phone: "Hello?"

"Hey Romania. Long time no see. How are you?" she starts.

"I'm...good" he answers confused.

"Why do you sound like that? It's me. Serbia."

"I know who you are. I'm just shocked. I haven't heard from you in ages."

"Sorry about that. You never made any problems for me and we never fought. I guess because of all my troubles with other nations, I sort of forgot about you."

"Gee, thanks" Romania says sarcastically.

"Listen. I want to propose something. You give me fortune-telling lessons and I'll pay you nicely."

Romania laughs. He looks at the mirror and adjusts his hat since he can't see anything else. "Where did you get the money from? Did you rob a bank?"

Then Serbia tells him everything that happened with China. "And that's why I need you. Will you help me?"

Romania is shown speechless. He opens his mouth and we can see his vampire teeth. He drops the phone and screams: "WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!?"


	3. Serbia needs a professional PR manager

_**A war story featuring WWI and the 90's war. No fighting in this one, just light groping :)**_

A white screen is shown. Serbia walks in ( _I should probably give a description of what she is wearing already. Okay, let me think. I guess I imagine her with a whit dress and a jersey shirt with white flats but that is just my sick imagination:). Oh and there is a thin red belt in there somewhere and a two-headed eagle stitched to the back of the jersey..._ ) and waves: "Hi, it's me again. Before we start let me just give you a disclaimer. So my place has been seen as a war zone ever since the 90s. I'm here to say that is simply not true. There are no shootings and explosions on the streets ( _well, except for firecrackers - it is the holiday season after all_ ). All people can walk without any problems at any time of day and night and not worry if they will be attacked or mugged. She leans forward and puts her open palm close to her mouth: "Frankly, here it's more likely for a bank to steal your money than a criminal."

"Now": she clears her throat and asks: "You following me? Are we all up-to-date?...Good, and now for a war story."

Next scene: It's the 90s, unspecified time. We have her again only this time she is wearing a camouflage uniform and holding a gun. She is on an open field with gun shots being heard in the distance. There is a camera crew ready to film. She has a worried look on her face.

"There has been so much bad press about me lately. It just goes on and on. Everybody calls me a monster and, when I talk, nobody listens," she says looking at her gun. "Well, no more. I'm gonna explain my side of the story and other nations are going to hear and empathize. It's gonna be just like in WWI." As she says this she reminisces.

Next scene: It's 1916 somewhere in Greece. Serbia is standing with very short hair in her army's uniform. You could never tell that she is a girl. She simply looks like a very very skinny boy. France is somewhere in the back. He came with his boats to get what was left of the Serbian army to a safe area. There is a journalist taking her picture with one of those cameras that you have to stand still for a few minutes for it too work.

"Thank you Mister Serbia, now could you tell me about your trip threw Albania?" the man says grabbing his block of paper and pen.

"Sure, but first I have to correct you. I'm not a Mister, I'm a Miss," she says proudly.

"Pardon?" France says in the middle of him posing majestically. He is baffled and it doesn't look good on him.

"Oh, what and interesting twist. I'm sure our readers will love it," the journalist adds as he writes frantically.

France comes between the two and scolds her: "What is this talk about _miss_ not a _mister_. How come I didn't know about this?"

Serbia blushes embarrassed and smiles kindly: "Yeah, I guess not many people know about that. Didn't Russia tell you? He was the first one I told."

France is still skeptical. He scans her from top to bottom. "Besides your unusual eyes there isn't a single scrap of femininity in you. You don't even have a cleavage."

The journalist is soaking this information like a sponge. His hand is rapidly filling out his little block of paper.

"Well, I used to bind my boobs but there is no need for it now. The pockets cover them right up" she pats the two giant pockets on her chest, the standard feature of her military's uniform of that time.

"Allow me" France says and, without any warning, puts his hands on her chest. She squeaks in shock. France continues inspecting as a doctor would check his patient. The journalist's writing gets so fast that his pen almost gets on fire.

"Are you convinced? Will you let go of me now?" Serbia is getting uncomfortable and a little red in the face.

France puts his hands down. Everything turns black except a bright spotlight lighting France who is in one of his tragic posses. Sad violin music plays.

"A-cup. How sad. With all the tragedies in the world, a woman with no feminine assets must be the worst."

Serbia's voice is heard: " _Hey! They're usually not_ _that_ _small. I haven't eaten anything in months. I lost so much weight they shrunk too._ "

"Oh, the poor thing. Too skinny to be a man, to plain to be a woman. Life has not been kind to you, has it?" he says not looking at anything specific with his eyes watering.

" _I manage to do just fine, thank you._ "

The music gets even more tragic. The scene is still dark. France covers his face and a tear rolls down his cheek. "Oh, how in denial you are. Quick, newsman, you have to write like you've never written before. The world must help this poor little nation. So she can go home and maybe even... grow a pair of breasts!" Screaming the last part he bursts into tears. A radiant red light appears in the shape of the face followed with a quick swoop of a gun handle hitting France in the head.

The scene returns to normal. We can see France on the ground with a big bump, Serbia is breathing heavily and her face is completely red from embarrassment, the journalist has a look of bliss and we can see that he covered his shirt in notes because he ran out of paper.

Next scene: Back to the 90s.

"On second thought, that wasn't such a good memory," she says with her cheeks blushing.

"What'ya doing Serbiana?" Croatia shouts from his barbed-wire fence. We can see a large wire wall representing the boarders of the newly-formed states or Bosnia and Herzegovina and Croatia with her boarder.

"Bite me" she replies and turns to the cameraman to give him instructions. There is a director and a young PR manager besides her.

"Are you giving a statement? How cute! You know no one is going to listen to you" he smirks confidently.

It was clear that he will not leave her alone without at least a little gloating. Serbia knows this. She retorts by saying: "Did your new friends tell you that?"

"Not so much tell as guaranteed" he continues looking to the side at Bosnia's new place. It's a mess.

"Wait here" she says to the others and goes to the fence. Bosnia is on the other putting mines everywhere.

"You idiot! You're going to get someone killed with those! Stop it" she screams in his directions.

Bosnia hears but doesn't reply. He just turns his back to her and continues with his work. Croatia looks at her with a wide arrogant smile.

"Great, just great. He doesn't want to talk to me and this one here doesn't want to shut up" she thinks hurt.

"Hey Bosnia. You...you seem busy. You sure you want to put up so many mines?" Croatia asks.

Bosnia waves not looking back: "I'll be fine. I have a photographic memory."

"Okay buddy. You do you" Croatia smiles and turn to Serbia making her cringe. "Now that we are separated, I can finally tell you a secret. You know, I never really liked you."

She copies his cringe-inducing smile and answers: "Figured as much. You mop one Austrian castle and suddenly you think that makes you better than everyone else."

He flinches angry. Serbia has achieved what she wanted (to tell him off) and is ready to return to the TV crew. Before she does she says one last thing: "Oh, and you want to know my secret? Now that you kicked most of my people out, count me out the next time you need rescuing."

"Ha! You're just jealous I have a bright future ahead of me and you'll be known as that genocidal nation for the rest of your existence" and with that he goes away.

"Finally", she thinks. Before she can make another step, a soldier runs towards her and says: "Ma'am, I was given orders that you come with me right away."

"Understood" she sighs. The manager shouts: "Wait, what about us?! What are we supposed to do!?"

Serbia ponders and adds: "Interview some soldiers. Get their stories out. I'm sure you'll find something good." With that she goes with the soldier.

Next scene: Returning to the present. She continues her story: "As far as those two are concerned, the relationship is still a little tense. Bosnia and I talk but every now and then...he becomes moody" she sighs sad. "And Croatia - well he is a different story. It's like the war never ended in his head. Every time we meet he has some new insults to throw my way. I doubt that most of his people feel the same way but its really hard to tell. The media over there is still so biased against me, even after 20 years of peace."

Serbia then starts fidgeting and acting really nervous. "You are probably wondering what ever happened of that TV crew? Well they did film...a lot...too much maybe...And the music..." she covers her ears in horror after SERBIA STRONK perfect loop start to play for the millionth time.

"When will the music stop!"


	4. FSU- Part 1

_**I was thinking whether to post this or not. It's a little different from the others. Still I managed to put some jokes in so...yeah, hope you enjoy. This story is set some time before the First Serbian Uprising. This is only Part 1.**_

 _ **Appearing: Serbia, Montenegro, Hungary, Austria (as the Hapsburg Monarchy), Russia, the Ottoman Empire**_

Scene: We see a beautiful landscape filled with green fields and meadows. There is a dirt road and a single horse pulling an open cart. The cart is driven by a peasant. In the back, we can hear the quiet singing of an invisible choir. It's the song Serbs from Austria dedicated to their occupied homeland.

 _Vostani Serbie! Vostani carice! (Awaken Serbia! Awaken empress!)  
I daj čedom tvojim videt tvoje lice. (Let your children see your pretty face.)  
Obrati serca ih i očesa na se, (Turn their hearts and eyes to you,)  
I daj njima čuti slatke tvoje glase. (And let them hear your sweet voice.)_

 _Vostani Serbie! (Awaken Serbia!)_  
 _Davno si zaspala, (You slept for a long time,)_  
 _U mraku ležala (Lying in the dark)_  
 _Sada se probudi (Now is time to rise)_  
 _I Serblje vozbudi! (And wake your people up!)_

Behind the cart, a herd of oinking pigs is following the cart with a dog and a young man is keeping them in check. The cart stops at the checkpoint where the peasant bribes the guard and moves on.

 _Ti vozdigni tvoju carsku glavu gore, (Raise your regal head high,)_  
 _Da te opet pozna i zemlja i more. (Let the ground and sea remember you,)_  
 _Pokaži Evropi tvoje krasno lice, (Show Europe your darling face,)_  
 _Svetlo i veselo, kako vid Danice. (Cheerful and bright like the morning star.)_

 _Vostani Serbie! (Awaken Serbia!)_  
 _Davno si zaspala, (You slept for a long time,)_  
 _U mraku ležala (Lying in the dark)_  
 _Sada se probudi (Now is time to rise)_  
 _I Serblje vozbudi! (And wake your people up!)_

…

Next scene: A brown eye which goes green towards the upper rim of the iris opens. There are only a few things inside the cart. A little bit of food, some tools, a cloth bundle and a hay bed covered with an old blanket. The bed moves and a skinny figure bursts out of it covered in hey. It is Serbia. She is dressed in plain peasants clothes and has short hair, too short even for a man at that time. Huffing and swearing she picks off the hay which got lodged into every part of her attire.

A small pigs squeals outside wanting to get in. She goes to the back and gives it a big smile.

"Did you sleep well?" the young man asks.

"Never better" she says kindly. "How much longer?"

"We'll be there very soon" the driver replies.

"Great" Serbia adds stretching.

Next scene: Serbia and the little pig are waving to the cart which moves away. She goes to the nearby waterfall and bathes.

"Be on the lookout Runt ( _Kržlja_ ), this is not that kind of story" we can hear her voice from the water.

Runt grunts as if to say _Yes, Sir_ and starts sniffing near a bundle of fine clothes.

Next scene: She is fully dressed in fine male clothes. There are 2 firelocks sticking out of her stripy belt and her chest adorns an embroiled thick vest.

"Well how do I look?" she asks placing a red fez with a tassel on the side of her head.

The pig grunts. She looks down at her crotch.

"What do you mean these pants make my thighs looks big?! It's the fashion."

Runt grunts again.

"Well, they're made like that so that men can have better air circulation...you know, down there."

The little pig lazily gives out one more grunt.

"How should I know, why?! What's with all these questions? Are you a tailor all of the sudden?! Now move your curly tale towards the castle! We got work to do."

The pig huffs, turns sharply and starts walking. Serbia is right beside him: "Everyone's a critic these days."

Next scene: Hungary is humming while sweeping the garden. Serbia approaches and says hello.

"Oh, you're here. Austria will be with you soon" she says seeing their guest.

Serbia presses her lips and sadly nods. She sits on a rock in the garden and waits.

Next scene: It has been over 3 hours. Hungary is almost done with her garden chores. Serbia is playing with her tassel. Runt is with the other pigs, rolling in the mud and having the time of his life.

"So, what's new?" Hungary final speaks.

"Same old. The Ottoman is being a bully as usual. That's why I'm here actually."

"I know...I remember the time I fought him as well. I was a fierce warrior you know" she says swinging her broom like a sword.

"I remember. We were in the same predicament once. So how's life treating you now?" Serbia smiles.

"Oh, not so bad. He plays the piano beautifully. I can hear it from here. It helps me not think about how much work I have to do" Hungary sighs as we hear some music played by an invisible piano.

"I guess that's one way of taking your mind off things. By the way, I could use a glass of water" Serbia clears her throat.

"Oh, sorry" she rushes inside the residence, quickly comes back and hands her the glass.

"Can I ask you something?" Hungary continues.

"Sure" the other replies pressing the glass to her lips.

"How come your people sing about you as if you were a girl?"

Water springs out of Serbia's mouth. A big drop of sweat appears on her face as she starts to babble: "Oh you know how silly my people are. And besides it's popular to imagine your nation as a beautiful woman these days. I'm sure it's just a fab."

Hungary stares at her intensely. Serbia's face is shown with a vague smile. Then Hungary's intense stare. Then Serbia's wide open eyes.

"You're right. And besides, you're too much of a hot-head to be a girl anyway."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Don't you remember that company unit a few decades ago. Poor humans. They were looking for their teeth on the field for a month."

"Serves them right. Their captain calling me a puny weakling. He was lucky I was holding back" Serbia continues drinking her water.

Next scene: One more hour passes and Austria finally shows up. Serbia stands up and follows him inside.

Next scene: "It's not the time" Austria says with an even tone.

"You keep saying that" Serbia says with a visible vain popping out off her head.

"Well, you keep asking for the same thing. It's getting annoying." There is a slightly smaller vain on his forehead too.

"I just don't understand why you won't support my uprising. Wouldn't it be better for you to have the Ottoman Empire off your boarder? I could be the perfect bumper zone. Greece and Bulgaria would soon follow..." she yells jumping out of her chair.

"It's not up to you reshape national boarders!" Austria keeps a calm tone.

"It is when it comes to my boarders! My people have been living there for centuries. I have the right to decide my own fate you know!"

"Oh you poor little...thing. You show an absolute ignorance when it comes to world politics. You're not even a real country. Just look at you. You're almost see-through" he snickers. _(Disclaimer: This is true. The last time Serbia was a recognized country was in 1459, the only thing keeping her from crossing to the side of all the other defeated nations was the will of her people)_

"I wasn't this solid in ages! Austria, it's not like this would be the first time we fought the Ottomans together. You can't say that I didn't fight for you bravely. We cooperated before, why are you making such a problem out of it now?"

Austria sits silently. He takes a drink from his cup and continues to admire it's shine.

"Well?" her voice breaks.

There is silence again. Figures can be seen on the windows spying on them. It was probably the other nations.

Serbia scratches her head in frustration and quietly adds: "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"

Austria takes another sip: "No. I'm busy... Take your smuggled goods and go home."

Next scene: Serbia pounds down the road visibly upset. Runt is running behind barely keeping up. He grunts a few times and she slows down.

"Sorry Runt. I just want to get out of this place as soon as possible."

Runt grunts confused.

"No, we won't wait for the cart. I'll sneak in tonight. Besides the cart would be too full by now."

Grunt.

"Why I smuggle so much? Well that's simple. The Ottomans take so much that there is barely anything left for my people. Luckily, Serbs who migrated north didn't forget about us. They trade and even send supplies. Others trade with me in secret too. Giving Austria a **perfect opportunity to rub it in my face** " the last part is said louder.

Grunt.

To this she starts nervously jumping from leg to leg: "Why I have so many pigs? I don't know if you want to hear that story."

Next scene: ( _Her memory, or, at least, how she remembers it_ ). Sometime after the Ottoman Empire annexed Serbia. Defeated and tired she stands next to him. He is giving a speech: "In my religion, pork is strictly forbidden."

A question mark forms above her head. Half of her face turns black as she smiles maliciously.

"I get nauseous even thinking about it" he grabs his stomach saying this.

"I eat it a lot actually" a quiet voice is heard behind him.

"What?" he turns raising his upper lip.

"In fact..." the background turns to fire for a second. The screen goes to her eye and then moves away to show her clenching fists and torso"... **that's all I ever eat**!" The back now shows many pigs in different poses followed by a loud defiant squeal.

Next scene: Back on the road. "Basically I have many pigs because that's the only thing the Ottoman doesn't eat. Can't imagine why, it's delicious.

Runt squeals in protest.

"Oh calm down, it's not like I'm gonna eat you...yet" she cackles.

Runt squeals even louder and starts hitting her in the shin.

Serbia laughs very amused by this. She goes down on one knee and pets the poor little piggy to calm him down.

"You know I'm joking, right? I would never eat you. You're too small" she laughs.

Runt squints his eyes at her and blows air from his snout. She smiles lovingly and gives him a small treat as an apology.

Next scene: It's night time. At the boarder, there are some Ottoman guards. She is in the bushes with Runt.

"Okay, you know the drill. Go!" she whispers.

The little pig runs far and starts making noise. The guards go to see who is making the racket while Serbia swiftly gets in and runs as fast as possible.

"Works every time" she thinks while running through the forest.

Suddenly, two white eyes appear in the dark. A large hand grabs her by the shoulders and screams: "Gotcha!"

 _ **I'll try to finish Part 2 by next week. Sorry but I'm busy these days. So, I would like to say something. If you have read my stories, you may have noticed that I don't do accents. Still, I do try to make the things the characters say "period-accurate". That means that they don't have some modern views or understanding how their decisions will affect the future. So don't expect nations to act like they do today because many of them changed a lot through history. Thank you for reading the entire text. :)**_


	5. FSU- Part 2

"And don't let me catch you sneaking out again! NOW GET BACK TO WORK!"

We see Serbia walking towards a pile of wood and a tree trunk, rubbing her back. She passes her house which is small and in desperate need of repairs. Its only positive feature is that it is very far away from the main Ottoman palace.

Serbia grabs an axe and starts chopping wood. Runt comes to greet her happy and unharmed. He grunts as if to announce someone. Serbia smiles: "Well then, tell him to come."

The little pig happily bolts and returns quickly to his very own mud pool. A head pops out from a nearby wooden fence. It's Montenegro. They nod to each other as hello.

"Hope you don't mind but your little walking pork chop let me in the back."

"Why would I mind? Drop by any time bro. You can even lend a hand" she jokes as she chops another piece.

"Sorry, but it's after noon. I have a strict policy not to work after 12 o'clock" he says leaning by his shoulders on the fence. For a moment, we can see the back and his feet dangling in the air.

"I would say you have a "no work" policy - period" she laughs rubbing her aching side.

"What's wrong?"

"100 lashes for sneaking out last night."

"Wow...a hundred. That almost sounds reasonable."

"I know. I was surprised myself."

"So where did you go?" he asks watching her work.

"Looking for allies."

Montenegro groans displeased: "Please tell me you didn't go to Austria again?!"

Serbia stops for a second and sighs: "Yes."

"Sis, he already left you hanging – twice."

"I know but what else can I do? I wrote to every European nation with an army. My men are running from office to office trying to get any kind of support. At least he talks to me. These Europeans...it's like they want the Ottomans on their doorstep."

Montenegro looks at his fingers and calmly adds: "Have you tried talking to Russia?"

"Russia...hmm, I don't know. I haven't heard many nice things about him."

"Really? I've been sending my men there for years. Never had any problems."

Serbia stops working completely and puts her finger on her chin: "Well, I guess it doesn't hurt to try."

Next scene:A scene of a small boat floating on the water. We hear Serbia's narration: "So I decided to listen to my older brother and go with him to see the big Slav nation himself. A few diplomats and church officials ( _among them the famous Prota Matea_ ) came to talk to the humans. The weather was on our side and everything seemed fine. Well..."

A scene of Serbia puking the content of her entrails clenching to the edge of the boat. Montenegro sits close and says: "I think I can see your lung floating on the water over there."

She tries to laugh but is interrupted by another violent burst of vomiting.

"God I hate not having a sea" she mutters looking like a zombie.

Next scene: At the royal palace in Sankt Petersburg, the Serbian delegation stands in the admittance room. Everyone is trying really hard not to let their jaws drop from all the splendour of the large hall. They are alone. Someone jokes in the back "This would be a nice place to hang your coat" to which the others quietly chuckle.

The doors open and the Russian Foreign Affairs Minister comes in. With him is a figure in an elegant uniform with a bunch of gold medals and other military ornaments. His fair hair and purple eyes pop thanks to the blackness of the uniform.

"May I present to you Russia. Our glorious nation."

Montenegro stands straight: "'Sup."

The camera goes to Serbia who has her mouth wide open and is looking mesmerized at him.

Montenegro nudges her and she flinches.

"Don't say anything stupid" she thinks. Then she opens her mouth to say hello but no sound comes out.

"Are you alright?" Russia asks looking confused.

After a quick glance Montenegro comes to the rescue and says Serbia had a rough trip and that it would be better if he rested for a bit, to which she frantically shakes her head.

Next scene: Serbia is in a small bedroom, thinking about what just happened.

"I must have looked like an idiot" she says looking at the mirror next to the wardrobe holding her face with both hands. She is wearing most of the clothes she wore while visiting Austria but also a new coat and shoes borrowed from Montenegro which are obviously too small for her.

"Okay Serbia, pull yourself together. You came here for a reason."

She takes a deep breath and stands up.

Next scene: Russia and Serbia are taking a walk in the garden.

"How are you feeling now?" he asks.

"Much better thank you."

They continue walking. Russia is in his usual coat with a white scarf.

"Your people told me about your troubles" he continues.

"You don't know the half of it..." she snorts. Then she continues talking about everything that happened ever since the Ottomans came to her land. How they demanded unreasonable taxes. How her people ran north to save themselves. How they rebelled many times because the conditions were so bad and how terribly they were punished for it every time. He listens very carefully without saying a word. At the end he sighs: "I feel for you. I do. But the balance of power is so delicate right now. France is acting weird with this new boss of his. I can't afford a new war with the Ottoman Empire right now.

"But..." she utters desperately. He interrupts her holding his hand up: "That doesn't mean I'm not going to try and help you. I'll call him tomorrow and tell him to treat you better."

"And if he doesn't?"

Russia becomes quiet for a moment: "Let's try and solve things peacefully, alright? Not everything should be solved with war."

"So you're saying you're my ally now" she smiles.

Russia smiles back: "Well...in a way, yes. I mean, we are both Orthodox with a similar language so-"

He stops mid sentence because of Serbia's sudden hug. "Thank you so much" she says with her eyes tearing up, pressing her face on his shoulder. He is confused but accepts it by patting her on the hands.

Next scene: Serbia is back home. Closing the door she states: "That's strange. Ottoman didn't even bother to show up. Did he even notice I was gone?"

Night falls and with it a terrible storm. She sits in her night shirt listening to the thunder in silence. She opens one of the floor planks taking out an old dusty mirror and an old gold brush. Trinkets left from the time she was a prosperous independent nation. She looks at herself saying: "I really made myself ugly with this haircut. I wonder..." She grabs a scarf and puts it on her head to fall like hair. Then she presses her lips thigh so that they turn red and pinches her cheeks.

"I guess this looks a little better. Once I'm free I can tell him my little secret" she giggles falling back on the bed.

Suddenly, loud banging is heard coming from the front door. In panic she gets dressed quickly and goes to see who it is. Impatient banging is heard again. "I'm coming!" she screams expecting the worst.

"Austria?"

"What took you so long! I'm soaking wet!"

"Sorry... Didn't expect any visitors this late at night" she says looking at him completely confused.

"This is not a social visit" Austria interrupts impatiently hanging his wet coat and hat and taking a place near the fire, "we have important matters to discuss."

"Do you want something to drink? I think I have something in the cellar" she says and runs outside.

Next scene: Serbia puts a bottle of wine on the table and pours him a glass. He drinks it quickly and asks for another.

"I hate to be rude but why are you here this late and on this weather?"

"I heard you went to see Russia. What was that all about?"

Serbia pours a glass for herself. "Yeah, I did. He was actually really nice. Offered to help and everything."

Austria chocked a little on his cup: "Do you have any idea what you just did you stupid boy!"

"Huh?"

"You want to bring the Russians here! It's like the Ottomans weren't bad enough and now I have to deal with HIM near my boarders."

"I don't know what you are complaining about. If he turns out as bad as you said he was I will be the one who has to deal with him."

Austria looks at her with a mix of rage and disdain: "You still don't get it do you! You don't get to decide anything! This is much bigger than you – it's world politics."

She frowns and leaves her glass: "Now listen you! I had it up to here with your snobbery. I don't want anything that already isn't mine. That means a land for my people, who speak my language and share my history! You can take your world politics and shab it up your arse!"

Austria facepalms himself and sighs deeply.

"What's the matter with you anyway?! When we trade everything is fine. My people live at your place incident-free. They co-exist with your people peacefully and even mingle but yet when I talk to you it's like talking to an hostile stranger. What exactly is your problem with me?"

Austria raises his head and straightens in his chair: "Look, I have nothing against your people. It's true there were no real incidents ever and many of my people got rich trading with you. Still...the world is like a chess board ( _we see an image of the board and pieces being moved by an invisible hand_ ). You have the important pieces and the pawns ( _The important figures have the faces of France, Britain, Austria, Russia, Prussia, Ottomans and so on, while the pawns have the faces of Poland, Lithuania, Czechia, Slovakia, Bulgaria and many more_ ). You my boy are one of the pawns ( _we see one with her face_ ) and you are not important in the great scheme of things."

There is a moment of silence only interrupted by the sound of thunder outside.

"Why can't you be more like Hungary? She understand how things work and has accepted her fate. Quite a looker too" the last part is said quieter.

"You forgot about the queen."

"Pardon?"

"If a pawn manages to get to the end of the board, it can summon the queen back. No other chess piece can do that." ( _an image of exactly that is shown and it lingers on the image of a faceless white queen_ )

Austria snickers: "So is Russia that _queen_? Don't get your hopes up too much. There are far more important things happening out there. He will forget about you in a second."

Serbia leans on her hand and very calmly adds: "Is that what you drove all this way during a storm to tell me?"

He smashes his glass down and yells: "I'm done reasoning with you. You are digging your own grave. Goodbye!" With that he grabs his things and leaves.

Getting cocky Serbia continues yelling with the door closed: "See you in a few days! I have a new batch of pork for you. Nice and juicy just how you like it."

At that moment a loud pig squill is heard from the yard.

"Runt!" she screams opening the door. The rain is still falling heavily. The carriage has already left. She sees the pig laying on the ground near the gate.

Next scene: Runt is being washed with a cloth near the fire. He has a big bruise in the shape of foot.

"How are you now?" she asks caringly. The piggy grunts hurt. She pours some wine into a bowl : "This will help you feel better."

While Runt drinks she sits next to him quietly drinking her glass too near the fire.

"You think fancy-pants is right? Will Russia leave me hanging?"

Runt grunts and continues drinking. Serbia laughs so hard that wine comes out of her nose.

"You're so right about that...You know what Runt, you're a pretty smart pig. Smarter than most humans in fact. Yet, if a big fat hog sat on you right now, that would be the end of you. You're just like me."

The pig doesn't react to this and soon falls asleep drunk. She gets up and goes to bed herself.

"Good idea. We should rest. A lot of work awaits us."

 _ **This is the end of this chapter. I will do an aftermath which I promise will be more fun.**_


	6. In short- Part 1

_**This is my last story for now. I divided it into parts and will post a part every week or so. Don't get me wrong, I love writing them and, honestly, there is a lot of material to draw inspiration from but I have an original idea I would love to develop further. This one is set in modern times (2016) and mostly revolves around a drinking competition :)**_

 _ **Characters: Serbia, Montenegro, Romania, Slovakia, Bulgaria, Macedonia (Macy), Czechia, Greece, Spain, The Netherlands, America, Russia, Germany, Austria, Finland and the Nordic States.**_

We see Serbia walking towards the camera in her modern clothes on a park path.

"So the last story was about an uprising that was about to start. It went well at first. It was fierce. Even got some help from Russia... but then Napoleonic war happened and he had to go home...": she sighs. As she passes through, a top of a small head is seen sneaking in the bushes.

"The first one was not successful but the second one was much better. Realizing that they can't really rely on anybody, the leaders, especially my then boss _Miloš Obrenović_ , decided to get autonomy by deals, quick thinking and a little bit of bribery. Turns out brains are better than brawns." The head with short black hair approaches. The flashy-looking sunglasses on top of his head shine a menacing glow.

"Even though I wasn't officially free, I was a country in everything but name. The new boss was not that bad either. He was an autocrat but he did abolish feudalism. I was told that was pretty modern for that time. Oh, and I reformed my alphabet. Now, it has 30 letters, each one representing a phoneme so you write words **exactly** as you hear them": she adds confidently. The short figure behind her squats ready to pounce.

"The only problem then was I had two royal familiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...HEY!" she screams as the short man smashes into her back head first and in full force. "What gives!?"

"You're the worst!" Montenegro says dusting off his very nice suit ( _an enormous gold chain around his neck was not visible but it was obvious that it was there_ ). "In all these stories you barely mention me and I'm supposed to be your broth-" he stops as Serbia puts him in a head lock.

"I'm sorry but we had a good relationship for most of our history" she says nearly choking him to death. "It's not exactly inspirational for a separate storyyyyyyyyy!" she shouts being thrown off aikido-style.

Montenegro's hair spikes up giving him the appearance of an angry porcupine. "Not everything revolves around you, you know! While you were slaving away I actually did something. I had great literature and- YUH!" he screams surprised by a wet willy.

Catching her breath she says: "Fine, you've got a point. I'll squeeze something of yours in. Are you happy?!"

"That's all I wanted" he adds still rubbing his ear. "That was discussing by the way."

She shrugs apologetically and then remembers: "Hey wait, I didn't start-"

"Well I have to go now. See you in summertime" he says and lazily walks away.

"Um...okay. I have to hurry for a class anyway. See you at the _splavs"_ Serbia says waving goodbye. "Brothers can be such a pain" she mumbles to herself.

Next scene: We can see the inside of the EU cafe. It has a slight tavern charm and the music is softly playing in the background. Slovakia is behind the bar cleaning glasses. Only one table is occupied.

"What does this card means?" Romania asks holding up a Hangman tarot card towards his companion.

"Hmm someone is obviously having a bad day. Probably got caught red-handed in someone's vegetable garden."

"Oh come on Serbia, focus" he says with a small vein pulsing near his eye.

She chuckles and has a smoke: "Just kidding. Been doing this for 3 hours. My concentration is running a little low." As she says this she puts her cigarette in the already overflowing ashtray. There is an empty coffee cup, an unfinished espresso and a few glasses of what Romania liked to call ' _grape_ ' juice.

"I guess we're done for today" Romania says packing his deck. Serbia stops him: "Before you do, mind telling my fortune? Just for fun."

He groans but does it anyway. "I see that you worry much more than you let show. Your destiny can go either way at this point. But you are going to have a lot of fun soon. Probably going to attend a great party."

Serbia smiles enigmatically while raising her eyebrow: "What else do you see?"

"Need anything else?" a male voice is heard behind her. Slovakia puts a fresh ashtray and continues to clean the table.

"No, we're fine. Where were you? Slacking off at the new position?" Romania scolds Slovakia jokingly.

"Actually, I didn't want to come over because then I would have to kick you out. Fortune telling is not allowed here" he says calmly.

The two look at each other. "Is that what you thought we were doing? Don't be ridiculous, we were just...just playing cards" Romania explains with a big sweatdrop on the right side of his head.

"Yeah, Romania wanted to show me his custom-made card set and teach me a new game. Ain't that right?" she looks at Romania who nods.

"Whatever" Slovakia continues "well, if you need anything else I'm at the bar."

"Thanks" she says smiling kindly at him. Slovakia turns so only the viewers can see that his cheeks blushed.

Serbia got her wallet out and gave some gold coins to Romania adding: "Nice doing business with you."

"The pleasure was all mine" he replies checking the gold on his sharp fang.

Serbia remembers something. "Oh, and here's a little extra for your troubles" she says giving him a small soft package. Romania's eyes sparkle and he smiles: "You shouldn't have."

"For old times sake" Serbia laughs back. The little package in question is a spice called Vegeta*.

* _Once upon a time, this spice was coveted in Romania because it was so expensive. Serbian people used to bring it in by the truckload!_

"So what's with the fangs and all ''creature of the night'' outfit" she asks out of the blue.

Romania is a little stunned: "Oh it's just my image, you know. The birthplace of Dracula, vampires and all that stuff."

Serbia stares a little dissatisfied. "Vampire is my word, you know."

"Well...yeah. But you got to admit you weren't using it properly."

She makes a face which says "Excuse me?" and continues: " Just because it meant both vampire and werewolf among my people, doesn't mean it was misused. How many words for man-like monsters that attack at night do you actually need?"

Romania gasps grabbing his chest as if he was struck by a wooden stake. He whispers horrified: "You are so lucky there aren't any Twilight fangirls around here because you would be ripped to shreds for that."

They continue talking while two more enter the locale. It's Bulgaria and Macedonia.

"Look, Bulgaria finally managed to convince her to go on a date again. We should scram and-" Romania whispers before he is interrupted by a loud "Hey, you guys over here!" Serbia waves energetically while he facepalms.

Bulgaria doesn't seem pleases but Macy seems fine. She happily trots to their table and sits down.

They all order a round and chat. While Bulgaria and Romania talk to themselves Serbia asks Macy quietly: "So are you two official now?"

"Oh no, but it's still nice to have him around. Helps me access the EU more easily."

"Oh honey, that's not nice" Serbia scolds her.

"What's not nice?" Bulgaria asks.

"Mind your own business" Macy barks. Bulgaria just looks angrily in Serbia's direction.

"Don't look at me like that! I did nothing wrong" she defends herself waving her arms with a lighted cigarette.

A few hours later, the other nations start coming in. They sit at their tables and order ready to have a relaxing drink after work. At one point, Serbia groans: "They played this song fifty times already. When does the music change?"

"It's not like at your place, the music doesn't change" Bulgaria answers.

"No fun music after midnight? How can you live like that?" she seems disappointed. Groaning and falling back in her chair she wails: "I've been listening to this all day, I don't know how much I can take."

"Look at you. Not even a full member and already complaining" this time a female voice is heard behind her.

"Hey, Czechia. Not nice to eavesdrop you know." she says arching her head back.

"Oh, I wasn't eavesdropping. You're so loud I could hear you all the way from the bar."

Serbia mumbles something like "I'm not" and offers her a seat.

"So what's the deal with the music? Who picks it?"

"No one. It's the most listened radio station in the EU. It's the norm" Czechia responds.

Three dots and then a lightbulb appears above Serbia's head and she leans forward. "Who can I talk to about a thing?"

Czechia looks at her confused and takes her to talk to Slovakia. He was given to run the place for a year after all.

Next scene: Serbia returns to the table smiling from ear to ear.

"Where have you been?" Macy asks.

"Oh, just arranging a little thing" she says still smiling. The thing she was talking about was a contest. Two teams lead by her and Czechia. Each nation would bring a traditional alcohol and 2 nation volunteers would drink a random picked beverage. The one left standing gets a point. The team with the most points would choose the music for the next evening from 10 to 12 o'clock.

"So are you all in?" she says taking out a piece of paper and making her playlist. She quietly sings the refrain or the first lyric of every song she writes down.

"I don't know if I feel like it" Bulgaria yawns.

"Well, I'm in" Romania says taking the paper to add his own favorites.

"Me too" Macedonia adds taking the list. "The world must know of his greatness. Toše*, my angel, may you smile upon us. You were taken too soon" she wipes a single tear from her eye.

* _Toše Proeski_

"Of come on. I thought this was gonna be our night out – alone. I don't wanna spend it drinking to death for 2 hours of-"

"I put in some Ceca* just for good measure" Serbia interrupts.

"Give me that paper!" Bulgaria changes his mind mumbling some lyrics.

* _Svetlana Ceca Ražnjatović_

"Great, see you here in 3 hours" she smiles.

Next scene: Greece seems displeased holding a phone to his ear.

"Forget it. I'm not going to be part of a team if that _nation_ is in it."

"Come on Greece, don't be that guy. With your ouzo we'll win for sure" Serbia says while sitting in a basement surrounded by bottles of various shapes and sizes filled with see-through liquid. With one hand she opens one by one, with the other she holds a shot glass and sips the content. Her smart phone is prompt between her shoulder and cheek.

"Besides, don't you wanna present your music to the other EU nations?"

"I already do that. It's called Eurovision. Maybe you've heard of it" he says confidentially.

"Oh, whatever."

"Say, is this by any chance because of it. I mean you set this up very close."

She raises her eyebrow confused. "Honestly, it didn't even cross my mind... So, are you sure you're out?"

Greece smirks and calmly responds: "See you Serbia. Bye." He then hangs up.

"Weird" she says putting the phone down. She then sips another glass.

"Too smooth."

She sips from another bottle.

"Too tasty."

After another one "Ah that's good. Gotta save it for later" and closes the bottle. She crosses her arms thinking. Then, she energetically gasps and starts giggling. Her laughter gets louder and louder as she approaches a bottle with a winking skull on whose top is a _šaikača_. Taking it her laugh turns into a full cackle.


	7. In short- Part 2

Next scene: Front of the EU cafe. Greece is leaning on the wall waiting, looking at the street. Serbia approaches with a heavy bag on her shoulder. We can hear the sound of glass bottles from it.

"Hey, what're you doing?

"People watching."

"Sounds good. I'll join you." she says leaning as well."So did you change your mind?" she smiles.

"No...got a smoke?"

She frowns but offers him a pack anyway. "You really have to stop mooching off and get your own."

Greece sighs and takes one. "I wish I could... Hey, I have to ask...you're no richer than me. How come you always have so much cigarettes?" He them lights up the smoke. His face turns red as soon as the smell reaches his nostrils and he starts coughing.

"What's this?! Are you trying to kill me?!" he says weak.

"Oh give me a break. It's just cut tobacco*. Can't afford anything better" she says lighting up one herself.

* _if you think regular cigarettes smell bad, you should smell burning non-processed tobacco leaves_

 _:'((((((((((_

Czechia comes over with The Netherlands and Spain. "Looks like everyone from my team is here." She turns to Serbia. "Where's your team?"

Serbia is shocked. She stares at Greece with disapproving beams coming out of her eyes. He smiles still massaging his chest after the effects of the thing he inhaled.

Bulgaria, Macedonia and Romania arrive shortly all carrying a great amount of liquor.

"So, don't mind me asking but why these guys?" she asks looking at the two EU countries.

Spain presents a roll of paper with his music on it. The other team is impressed. "Wow this sounds great. I guess tomorrow night is gonna be awesome whoever wins" Romania smiles.

"I would prefer if we won" The Netherlands adds. "I've set up a small gambling pool. It will earn me some extra cash."

"Isn't it adorable how he always finds a way to profit" Czechia laughs.

"Yeah, a real gogetter attitude" the other guys smirk.

After sitting down and agreeing on the rules, they put a bowl with small sheets of paper containing the alcohol they brought. Bulgaria and Serbia had a small scuffle about who will drink if rakija comes up but after a quick "rock-paper-scissors" game, Bulgaria won while Serbia was given beer.

Next scene: Serbia is sulking. "You ruined everything" she mutters.

"Oh come on. Don't be such a baby" Bulgaria says.

She stays quiet.

"Here, you pick the first one" Spain pushes the bowl towards here.

She picks one and reads it: "Beer. Well that's me." Serbia instinctively looks at Czechia who just smiles.

"So how are we gonna do this?"

Czechia chuckles and declares: "Well, we all know that for us it takes a huge amount of alcohol to get drunk and we don't have all night. So I thought of a quicker way."

Slovakia comes over with 2 extremely tall beer dispensers. The necks of all the nations go up. The tops of the devices reach the ceiling.

"Bottoms up" Czechia says opening the faucet and quickly chugging the first glass. Serbia copies her move. The others root. Serbia glances at her opponent. The dispensers are being emptied quickly and very soon the beer in both almost reaches the middle mark. Czechia is in the lead. In order to drink faster, Serbia gets on the table, opens the upper lid and prompts the dispenser up a wall. Her opponent follows. A crowd starts to form. Serbia hoists her container up so she can get a sharper angle. She miscalculates and a great amount of beer splashes soaking her entire head and a part of her back.

"One point for us" The Netherlands announces gleefully while the crowd applauds.

While Czechia celebrates, Serbia goes to the bathroom to clean herself up.

Next scene: Macedonia and Greece stare intensely at each other. Ouzo was chosen.

"You are going down you little name-sealer" he says pouring a shot.

"I shall prevail. In the name of my great ancestor Alexander the Great I shall be victorious!" she fearlessly replies.

The two slam the first shot like it's water. Many more come next. Slovakia approaches Czechia: "Serbia has been in the bathroom for 15 minutes. Why don't you go and check on her."

"Do I have to?" she groans while others cheer at the spectacle. She is barely tipsy let alone drunk.

"Well I certainly can't. It's the girl's bathroom."

She gets up annoyed. "Why can't this place have unisex washrooms. Suddenly everyone's a prune" she complains.

Next scene: In the bathroom, Serbia's head is under the air dryer.

"Hey, is everything okay...wow?" Czechia says as she enters.

"I know, it looks terrible, right?" she replies miserable. Her hair is dry but instead of being straight it falls in lose waves.

"Actually, it's kind of cute in that wild pre hair-conditioner way" Czechia chuckles.

"Oh, stop it. It's horrible. The way it's neither straight nor curly...It's also very strong. So difficult to shape. If I didn't have an industrial clothing iron at home I would barely leave the house. Not even brute force can make it submit. It's like each hair has a mind of its own and each one is stubborn and thinks it knows better! I HATE IT*!" _(#thestruggleisreal, #gilrswillunderstand)_

Czechia hides a giggle. Three dots appear above her head one by one and turn into girly flowers.

"Ignoring the complete irony of what you just said... I think I have a solution. Wait here."

"Like I have a choice" the other replies thinking what she can use to either flatten her hair or chop it off.

As Czechia opens the door Bulgaria's worried face appears. He is carrying passed out Macy on his back.

"Can you take care of her? Maybe splash some water on her face or something?" The camera goes to Macy's face and we see her drooling and mumbling.

Next scene: The two girls are left alone in the washroom. Macedonia is still unconscious with a towel placed under her head as a pillow. Serbia softly splashes her with water every so often. She has tied her hair back so tight that she almost gave herself a facelift.

"I'm back!" Czechia cheerfully declares carrying her handbag and a double espresso. She places the cup near Macy's nose who very soon starts showing signs of life.

"You, sit down on this stool" she orders Serbia scrambling through her bag.

"Excuse me?"

"Come on let's tame that nest on your head" Czechia says mischievously picking up a curler. Serbia looks at it and chuckles.

"What's wrong? Haven't you had your hair curled before."

"It's not that," she chuckles again, "I was just thinking, your hair is so short. Why would you carry a large cylindrical curler in your bag like that."

A puff of air comes out of Czechia's nostrils. She guides still smirking Serbia to a small chair.

"You shouldn't make fun of someone who is about to hold a very hot rod near your face."

The remark makes Serbia burst out laughing to the sound of which Macedonia finally raises her head.

"You are such a troll! Hold your head straight before I change my mind. And for your information I use it for my ends."

"Okay" she responds still a little giggly.

Next scene: "There. It's finally done"

We see Serbia looking at herself in the mirror. The curls gently fall giving her a much more delicate and feminine appearance. Macy is quietly sipping her coffee, moaning over her defeat.

"Nice job" Serbia says calmly.

"You like it?" she asks pleased.

"Yeah." She takes a selfie which she immediately posts to Nationbook _(an equivalent to Facebook for nations)_

"That good huh?" Czechia says smug. "Come on, the third round has started already."

Next scene: Spain is breathing heavily with his face all red. Bulgaria doesn't look too good either. They take another shot of a see-through liquid. The piece of paper near the bowl says 'Rakija (S)'.

"What the hell is this Serbia?! Are you trying to poison us."

"Don't be so dramatic. It's just a bit stronger than usual" Serbia responds to Bulgaria while texting with someone.

"A bit stronger! This is a drop away from being methanol!" He takes another shot. Hearing this, Spain is reluctant but bravely swallows his share.

"Don't worry, it's perfectly safe. I made it myself" she says and smiles at the text she received.

"That doesn't fill me with hope" he coughs after one more drink.

Serbia doesn't respond but keeps texting and occasionally smiling. Macedonia sneaks a peak at her phone and starts giggling and making kissy faces. Serbia reacts by giving her a playfully pat.

"Who are you talking to anyway?" Romania gets curious.

"Russia."

The others gasp shocked.

"What? He commented on my photo and we started chatting. Nothing wrong with that."

"You know we mustn't talk with him" Czechia says scared. The Netherlands frantically shakes his head.

"No... **you** can't talk to him. I'm still not in the EU. I can talk to anyone as long as I'm honest about it."

Spain finally collapses and Bulgaria raises his hands victorious. No one pays attention to him because the others are still staring as Serbia.

"Serbia, as a friend, I must advise you not to spend so much time with him. You'll get in trouble." Romania speaks.

"I don't know why all of you are so scared of him. He's actually a great guy. He saved my life so many times. And..."

"Russia is the most evil nation in the world!" The Netherlands shouts raising up with fire burning in his eyes. The other nations, Czechia, Romania and Bulgaria, which were actually under his rule, look at him with raised eyebrows. "How would you know?" Czechia says with a neutral expression on her face.

"From the media" The Netherlands responds sitting down confused by the question.

"Hey, I won! We get a point" Bulgaria shouts making everyone pay attention to him.

"Great job. You get to keep your Balkan man card" Serbia says a little uneasy. She pauses and sends another text.

"Well, I'm off now. I got invited to another party" Serbia says packing her bag and getting her jacket.

"Aren't you going to stay until the end? It's not nice to leave in the middle of a game" Greece says a little hurt. He is pretty drunk but still capable of functioning normally.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll manage without me. Well, bye."

"Good riddance" Bulgaria adds.

"Bye. Be careful. For the night is dark and full of terrors" Romania grins ready to pick the next drink.

This makes Serbia smile. She turns back looks him straight in the eye and pulls an extremely sharp military knife from her bag. Then, without looking, she throws it and the dart board near the door, all the way on the other end of the cafe, hitting it straight in the bulls-eye. "You were saying?"

"Show off" Macy snuffs.

"I meant to say be gentle to the muggers and perverts who mistake you for a defenseless girl walking alone at night" Romania adds.

Serbia smirks enigmatically.

"See you all tomorrow night" she says, goes to the door and takes her knife.


	8. In short- Part 3

_**Sorry for the long wait. This one is a little dramatic and sad so it was more difficult to write. The end is funny though...**_

It has been dark for hours. Walking the dimly illuminated path, Serbia is unusually quiet and solemn. We hear her thoughts: "I know it was rude of me to leave like that. It's just that I couldn't stand what would follow. They would all start talking about current events and the wars and the refugees. Of course, Russia would become the bad guy in all of this because no one west of them, could possibly be anything but a sweet angel of mercy" she snorts and continues.

"I really don't get why he is the most acceptable punching bag. I mean sure, in the past he was an expansionist, but so were all the other important nations. Furthermore, there are so many nations who suffer from bad bosses and have to do terrible things in their name. Why not address those issues?" The street gets darker and the only thing heard are her footsteps hitting the concrete.

"If I wasn't so irritated by the humiliating way in which I lost the first round, I would probably nod it off and let them run their mouths amused by the paranoia and lack of common sense. But I'm tired. I just want to have fun tonight and preferably **not** get into a fight... Boy it sure is a long walk to Russia's night club."

She walks quietly. At one moment, she gives out a heavy sigh and we see a flashback.

Next scene: ( _After the Yugoslavian war_ ) America is pulling someone by the ear.

"Now, you be a good little nation and tell the jury **exactly** what happened" he announces with a fairly friendly look on his face.

"Ouch, that really hurts!" Serbia struggles hopelessly trying to escape from his grasp.

"It would hurt less if you cooperated" he says not loosing his pinch the least.

They walk like that until they get into a large hall. Other nations are seated behind a U-shaped table. The only lights in the room are small lamps beside each nation's seat and a very bright reflector in the middle pointed at a single wooden chair.

America ''helps'' Serbia sit on that chair and takes his place on the highest and most decorated seat of them all. "Nations of the world, me, the hero, have brought you here today to judge this poor lost nation. She has gone mental and needs our, especially my guidance to heal her from her uncool ways" he blasts waving his arms dramatically.

Serbia protects her eyes from the reflector. She looks around the room. All of her former roommates are there, some bowing there head, some nervously tapping there pens or removing a not existent spec of dust from their clothes and one grinning from ear to ear with his arms folded. Russia is also in the room. He avoids all eye contact and keeps refilling his glass with what at that time seemed like water.

"Does the accused have anything to say?" America continues getting way into his judge role.

"Say what?" she looks in his direction confused.

"About why you are here" he continues calmly.

"I've no idea. One minute I'm brushing my teeth and the next a small army barges into my house demanding that I come with them right away."

"My boys" America adds proudly "I have to admit they're pretty effective. We couldn't afford to let you run away. There would be no point in this get-together then."

He clears his throat: "You are here accused of crimes against humanity. You have been bad to people of different nationalities and caused a huge war."

"Come on! You can't possibly blame me for all of it! No one is more sorry than I am for that war happening in the first place, but it did happen and there were casualties. Many of my people suffered too, you know!" she yells realizing the pointlessness of wasting her breath.

"So you are denying it. All those tortured souls having to flee from their houses because of your evil soldiers. Young mothers with children strapped to their backs having to run barefoot through snow and blizzard" he paints a horrific picture for the others.

"What! When? Where?"

"Just last week in Kosovo."

"Blizzard? Snow?! It's spring time! Flowers have already bloomed" she utters not believing her ears.

America clears his throat even louder. "I think the jury has everything it needs to reach a decision. All who think Serbia is guilty raise their hands."

All NATO nations put them up in unison. Others hesitate but raise them after America smiles in their direction. Russia keeps drinking from his glass seeming not to pay much attention to what is happening.

"Well, the jury has spoken. As your punishment you will be isolated from the other nations until further notice."

She sits quietly, to emotional to speak.

Next flashback: "How could you just sit there and watch them humiliate me like that!" Serbia cries. She is at Russia's place. It seems slightly dilapidated and filled with empty liquor bottles. Russia sighs and continues filling his glass with vodka.

"Well...aren't you gonna say anything?"

"If I didn't have anything to say then, why do you think I have anything to say now" he says calmly not stopping his ritual for a second. "But where are my manners" he gets another glass and offers it to here.

"I don't want a drink! I wanna know why my life is falling apart. My beautiful home, my dream, all gone and for what? Because those idiot roommates of mine decided to split up like in a bad horror movie!" she grabbed her head in desperation.

"I understand the feeling. Are you sure you don't want a drink?" he says and takes another shot.

"Yes, I'm sure... Don't you think you're overdoing it a little?" Her eyes follow his glass.

"Overdoing what?"

Mad about the absurdity of it all she screams: "I'm in this situation only because of you, you know! They attacked me only because I'm your ally."

Russia smirks.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing...it's just I haven't seen you this distorted since the Austrian's ultimatum. But instead of pleading for help it seems now you want to pick a fight with me."

"I'm not trying to pick a fight. I'm...aghh...now I lost my train of thought. Where was I?"

"You were shouting at me about how bad you have it while I was drinking myself to death" he's blunt.

This enrages Serbia even more. "You big nations are all alike! You in particular haven't really changed since you had that Stalin as your boss! All you care about is your little CHESS GAME!" she bellows with tears pouring down her face.

This hits a nerve. Russia puts down his glass and smiles. A dark purple aura is seen around him and his eyes turn into a matching color. Realizing what she has said, she jerks but then straightens up awaiting his response.

"You are upset, no? You must be, because the little Serbia that I know would never tell such a horrible lie to her good friend."

Intense silence.

"Thought so. Now, if you don't mind I have my own people to worry about" he says calmly passing the glass and drinking straight from the bottle. She turns silently brushing her tears away.

"And find something to help you relax. You'll go crazy if you try and go through this sober."

Next scene: _(2016)_ A tear falls down her cheek. "Damn, why are these thoughts coming to me."

She walks near Poland's place checking if there is someone on the path as well. There's no one.

"Not a single person. I could sure use a distraction right about now. A group of thugs I could teach a lesson, a stoker nation...anything really. Just to stop...remembering."

Next flashback: _(a little while after the trial)_ Serbia's assistant is watching TV in an office filled with cigarette packs and gasoline tanks. It's an elderly lady. She is watching the evening news.

"The NATO bombings are expected to continue tonight. People are advised to-"

"Turn that off" a weak female voice is heard from a leather office chair.

The assistant complies with a sigh. "Is there anything else you need Ms Serbia. If not I would ask your permission to leave."

"Why, are you in a hurry?" the chair rotates and we see Serbia is curled up holding her legs up on the seat.

"Well, I would like to go and be with my daughter. She is not taking the move very well. And my grandchildren-"

"She should consider herself lucky. She has a safe roof over her head. Most of the other refugees don't even have that. They should have run away to some better place. Really no reason to stay here" Serbia says solemnly. Her eyes are pale beyond recognition.

The woman stares at her in disbelief.

"I'm sorry. I talk nonsense when I'm...like this" she says grabbing a few packs from a pile. "You can go. Here take this, you can sell it for some extra cash."

She takes it with a smile that suggests gratefulness but also embarrassment. "I'll see if I can sell it to my neighbors. It doesn't feel right for a government official to be peddling illegal goods on the green market...This will end soon, won't it Ms Serbia?"

"I don't really know" Serbia responds honestly.

After the assistant leaves with the packs in hand, Serbia leans back looking at one slightly damaged box. She takes it and opens it, grabbing one cigarette and tapping it on the table. "Oh well, nothing else to do" she says and lights it. A moment later the phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Serbia it's Montenegro. Listen, this is not working out. I'm thinking of moving out...

Next scene: _(back at the present moment)_ …Really?! Out of everything we've went through, that's how you see me" Montenegro scolds looking at her through his sun shades. (It's still the middle of the night by the way.)

She picks him up eagerly and squeezes him tight. "I'm so happy to see you, you angry little hobbit!" she yells with tears in her eyes. Montenegro bursts into flames from rage.

"LET GO, YOU MANIAC!"

She drops him like a hot potato still smiling. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Oh, Russia invited me over. But I've decided to call it a night" he explains cleaning his suit.

"Why? Have to work early tomorrow?" she teases.

"Heavens no. I have...Well...you don't have to know everything" he smiles cryptically and moves on.

"Weird" she mumbles and continues. The road is still semi-dark. She can see Ukraine's place, Walking in silence she sighs once again.

Next scene: We see Serbia from the perspective of someone very close to the ground. It's very cold and muddy. There are many soldiers in rags marching followed by wooden horse carts. We hear a pleading squeal.

She is in her WWI uniform all ripped and battered. Her hair barely reaches her ears. She looks miserable while explaining: "Look, you can't come with me. The road is very long and I can't guarantee your safety. Go back to the nice family I found for you. That's an order!"

Next scene: "No! I refuse to think about that! Come on brain, why do you have to be such a jerk. Give me something good. We're almost there."

Next scene: We see a large flood carrying something resembling a house.

Back: "Great, the 2014 floods. Just what I needed to cheer me up" she snarks grinding her teeth.

Flashback: Serbia is jumping from one wreck onto another carrying a small child over the water. As she reaches the shore she quickly dries the toddler with a towel. Many nations have sent aid and men. Russia also helped. He actually came in person. She watches him grabbing people from the rapids with incredible speed and skill.

"Is he your boyfriend?" a small voice is heard coming from beneath the towel. Serbia jerks. She looks at the little girl and smiles nervously: "What makes you say that?"

"My granddad says that Russia has been our greatest ally since forever and that you should marry him to make all of our lives better" she responds with child-like honesty.

Serbia stays frozen for a second pondering how to explain geopolitics to a 3-year-old.

"Look sweaty, I can't marry Mr Russia because, among many other things, he lives too far away" she says semi-satisfied with her answer.

"But you like him don't you?" the girl continues staring at her with big inquisitive eyes.

"I do, very much. But he is not my boyfriend. He is just a very very good friend" she speaks very slowly buying time and choosing words very carefully. (if explaining geopolitics to a toddler was hard, explaining the history of the complicated kind of friend-zoney relationship with Russia was impossible)

The little girl laughs hard. "Boys and girls can't be friends you silly. It's just like in those reality shows on TV. Grown-up boys and girls do a lot of weird stuff at night when mum thinks I'm sleeping" she yells very very loudly.

Serbia's lip twitches as her frozen smile loses it's effectiveness. She decides that after talking with the girl's parents she will have a very long discussion with the TV network bosses about what quality programming means.

"Of course, girls and boys can be friends, honey. You go to kindergarten, don't you? And there are many boys there. Don't you talk and play with them too?"

The toddler ponders intensely and then slowly nods.

"Well, there you go. Now, let's get you back to your parents. Okay?"

The girl smiles and nods again. Serbia takes her in her arms walking slowly.

"I have a boyfriend at the kindergarten, you know" the girl says with her squeaky voice.

"Really? Wow!" the nation gasps happily pretending that it's a big deal.

"Yes! I like him a lot. I even give him to color with my crayons. I don't let anyone else have them" she continues filled with pride.

Serbia genuinely laughs. "Well, that's serious. He is one lucky boy." The girl blushes gleefully.

 _(A little while later)_ Russia is on the shore eating his rations.

"Mind if I join you?" Serbia says. He looks at her and taps the ground next to him.

She puts her hand into her bag. "Do you want-"

"Want some tea?" he offers his thermos. She accepts, more to be polite than anything else. (it is rare for a Serbian to drink tea if they aren't sick) The nation smiles realizing that there is absolutely no alcohol in the thermos.

"I came over to say that I truly appreciate the efforts of you and your men here" she says quietly. Russia looks at her confused: "Why so formal?"

A big sweat drops appears on the side of her head. "Well, the last time I talked to you informally I said some pretty nasty things."

He smiles. "Water under the bridge" he says and instantaneously realizes that was not the best thing to say seeing an actual small wooden bridge being carried by the massive water.

They continue talking in a relaxed atmosphere. She complains about the massive amounts of paperwork she will have to fill out for the EU to get the new houses built for the flood victims. Russia frowns: "They're making you jump through a lot of hoops. It's not like they can't come here and assess the damage themselves."

"Yeah well...It's okay. A little bureaucracy never killed anyone. That's how things are right now. Sorry but I really need to get back to work" she jumps seeing a frightened cow struggling to keep her head from sinking. He jumps right after her. They make the whole ordeal more fun by competing who can save more people and make a sand bag wall faster.

Next scene: Serbia starts to feel better. Russia's night club is almost at arms reach. She enters, looks around and cheerfully waves at the group situated at the best table. Finally, the fun night out can continue.


	9. In short- Part 4

_Sorry for the wait. ✿ One more to go._

"Oh boy, what a night" Serbia sips her drink pleased. She is sitting with Russia and Belarus at the night club. They're the only nations, not to mention humanoids, left in the early hours of the morning. Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan and other former-Soviet nations left a few hours ago.

Russia seems happy but also displeased looking at his phone: "I can't believe I stayed up all night again. It's going to be a long day tomorrow. I mean today."

Belarus says nothing. She has her stocker face on and sits very still. There's a dark purple aura surrounding her making it seem as if she's in a universe of her own.

Russia's phone rings. It's Syria. He excuses himself and goes outside to talk.

The screen is on Serbia's face holding a glass and it quickly goes to Belarus' face which has 'stare' glowing out of her eyes and is very close to hers. Serbia is a little startled but hides it with a smile.

"I'm on to you" Belarus says.

"Come again?" she replies still holding her lips in a smile.

"You're trying to steal Russia away from me. What did you think? That doing your hair like that and making yourself all pretty is going to impress him? And why are your lips so full! Did you have them done or something!? And what's with the nails! How can you handle any weapon with than manicure?"

Completely confused, Serbia touches her already deforming locks and looks at her hand. Her nails are nicely decorated and just a little longer than the tips of her fingers.

"Oh...well the hair wasn't planned. Czechia did it for me. And my lips are naturally like that. As for the nails...I don't know...all the women at my place are doing them. It seemed odd not to have them. Which is not bad at all. Look! This one has a cute little two-headed eagle with 4 Ss on it!" she says innocently showing her middle finger.

Belarus leans back unsatisfied: "Still, I know you like him. As his sister it's my duty not to let-"

"Friends usually like each other. That's what friendship means, a group of people liking each other and hanging out" Serbia adds with a monotone voice.

Belarus continues to stare at her suspiciously: "That's not what I meant."

"Seriously, Belarus, lighten up. No one is stealing your brother away. Your obses-...devotion to him is unsurpassable. Others can't even come close."

Belarus hums as her companion continues. "Besides, I don't see any reason the two of us can't be friends. I think you're pretty cool" Serbia adds in a friendly tone.

Belarus' expression changes from gloomy doubt to complacency. "Yeah, no reason to be enemies. I mean, you're kind of cool too."

They both smile at each other.

"I still have bigger breasts than you anyway" Belarus adds. This makes Serbia choke on her drink.

"They're not that small. It's been a though few decades, ok. When I gain a little more weight they'll grow bigger" Serbia says ignoring the large plate of delicious snacks and goes straight for her cigarette pack.

She takes a smoke and adds, "I don't get it. I have good food but I'm still so skinny. It just doesn't make sense," and continues smoking staring at blank space. Belarus can't hold back a chuckle.

"What's funny?"

"Oh, I just remembered something" Belarus says hiding her face with her hand.

Next scene: "Poor Syria" Russia sighs deep in though while returning. He finds the two chatting and giggling.

"So how similar is Belarusian to Russian anyway?"

"Oh it's fairly similar but there are still some differences. Some words for example. There are even some 'false friends' like _трусы_ and _люстра_ " Belarus answers.

Serbia chuckles: "The linguistic false friends of Slavic languages. Definite proof that God has a sense of humor." _(seriously, check them out sometimes, there are a few gems that will make your day)_

"Did I miss something?" Russia says baffled.

"Of no, we were just talking" one of them replies.

"Sister, you feeling okay? Your face has a weird not-murderous expression" he says to Belarus.

"Yeah, I'm great?" she replies with glee.

He moves his head back still confused. "So, are you two buddy-buddies ready to go? I have somewhere to be in 3 hours."

"Sure" they say in unison.

"Great. Ladies first."

The two girl nations take their stuff. Serbia is putting her pack in the bag when we hear: "Can I have one?" Her eyes glimmer and cheeks blush. "Sure. But I don't have a lighter – only matches."

"No problem. Give me a match and I'll light it (Дај ми спичку да закурим)" Russia adds innocently.

She turns to him slowly giving him the small box. Her tight smile quivers as her cheeks turn into two radiant red circles. Russia sighs: "Again, why is that so funny?"

"Oh, it just sounds funny in my language" she says in a high pitched voice holding back the laughter. _(it's not just funny, it's hilarious:))))_

Next scene: Russia is flying his personal jet. Serbia is in the passenger's seat. Belarus has already been dropped off, literary.

"Are you sure you can ride a plane in your condition?" she asks.

"Sure. I'm drunk, not blind."

"How many fingers do you see?" Serbia holds out a hand with 3 fingers. After a quick glance Russia replies: "12."

She looks back at her hand focusing on the fingers: "Close enough."

They reach Serbia's place very quickly.

"Hey, there's my airport. Did I tell you how I fixed up my airport?" she says excitedly.

"Only about 4 times" he answers with a smile. "There's a parachute here somewhere if you want to jump."

"I don't think that's a good idea. I don't feel focused enough to operate a parachute."

"Belarus and I never had that problem. I sometimes jumps without it. Just for fun."

Serbia clears her throat. "Funny as that was, I would rather not die tonight."

Russia pauses for a bit before responding: "Okay, I'll try to land as safe as possible."

She turns to him curiously: "You sound a little insecure. Why?"

"Well, flying a plane drunk is one thing. Landing it...is another" he says squinting at the landing strip. Serbia gulps and secures her seat belt tighter. "Hold tight" he says lowering the plane.

The landing starts out smooth, but then... "You're too low, you're too low! Nose up, nose up!" Serbia stars screaming.

"Relax, I know what I'm doing" Russia replies calmly. His announcement is followed by the screeching sound of wheels cutting into the concrete. Then the airplane stops.

Russia releases the controls and turns to his left. The camera goes to Serbia who is cradling her knees with eyes wide open.

"I don't feel so well?" she replies.

"Are you sick?"

"No, just became sober all of a sudden."

Next scene: The two of them are standing next to a slightly damaged runway.

"Sorry... I'll pay for that" he apologizes.

"It's okay. It's not as bad as I thought. It'll be fixed in no time."

Russia smiles: "I'll get you a nice gift the next time we meet."

Serbia looks at him happy "Thanks. I really had fun tonight."

"Me too. Say hello to the EUs for me."

Serbia nods: "Sure. With a little luck, you'll have a chance to talk to them yourself soon.

Russia is not so optimistic. "Hopefully" he says in a monotone voice. His expression turns stone cold. "This world is really getting weird."

"It will get better."

"You think?" he asks sincerely.

"You'll see. Everyone will get what they want. Except the crazy people who got us into this mess."

She gets stunned by Russia's large hand patting her back. "You little scamp. How can you be so hopeful all the time?" he jokes with a large smile.

"Hey, quit it!" Serbia responds giggling. A scene of the plane in focus is shown with their laughter being heard.

Next scene: Russia waves and flies off while Serbia watches and waves from the ground. Her smiling face turns sour when she looks back at the blackened strip. She rubs her face in frustration and walks out of the frame arching her head.

Next scene: We see her house which is just a remodelled Yugoslavia house with many rooms sealed shut. The couch in the living room has not been changed which is clearly visible by the worn-out edges. She gets a very quick snack and falls on her bed exhausted.

There is a pile of papers neatly tied together on her night stand. Serbia looks at them curious. "Now why did the old bat put those there?" She turns on her side and sees a thermos with some coffee on the other nightstand. Serbia raises her eyebrow: "She usually leaves that when I have an important meeting early in the morning."

Rolling on her back, a note on the celling catches her eye. It says: "You have a 9 o'clock meeting on Thursday at Brussels." Serbia's smirks: "Oh yeah. Silly granny, that's tomorrow. No need to hurry." She shuts her eyes peacefully. After a few seconds, she jumps in horror.

"Oh my God! Tomorrow is today! I mean, today is Thursday!"

As quick as Flash, she puts everything into her trusty bag and runs for the front door. Before reaching it, she catches her reflection in a mirror. At this point, her hair resembles an electrified Persian cat. She hops from one foot to another and rushes to a small room closing the door. We hear pressure being released. Great quantity of steam comes out from the cracks and she emerges with her hair pressed straighter than a ruler.

Next scene: Czechia is sleeping in her bed when she gets a call on her mobile. She answers it still drowsy scratching her head: "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Serbia. I didn't wake you, did I?" a voice is heard from the other end.

"No, I was just...actually you did. What's up?" she responds rubbing her eyes.

Next scene: "Aren't you going to be late for work? I just passed your place" Serbia says drinking the last drop from her thermos.

Next scene: "Actually I asked for a day off in advance." A yawn and then a smirk appears on Czechia's face: "I expected to be curing a major headache by now but I guess my drinking opponent wasn't up to the task." She then scratches the tip of her nose.

"Haha" a sarcastic response is heard from the phone, "Rematch. Any time. Any where."

"That can be arranged at some point in the future. So, why are you going to Brussels?"

"I have a report that keeps being sent back. I have no idea why so I am going to consult with someone about what I'm doing wrong."

"Whose your advisor?"

"Germany."

Czechia makes a bunch of sounds and faces as if she is looking at someone fall off his skateboard down a flight of stairs and into a pool of piranhas.

"Yeah, not my first choice either" Serbia's voice sounds solemn.

"It's not that. He's been under a lot of stress lately. The whole migrant crisis has made him...snappier than usual. For your own good I think you should reschedule" she says scratching her shoulder this time.

Next scene: "It's kind of too late now. I have to be there in 15 minutes. And besides when is he ever in a good mood? I haven't seen him crack a genuine smile, well, ever." Serbia says looking into her empty container trying to conjure the magic dark liquid with her thoughts.

A sigh is heard from the other side. "It's your funeral. Just remember, as soon as he starts mentioning migrants, run."

"Thanks for the advice. Oh and by the way, who wo-"

"Well, I have to go now. Gotta catch up on my beauty sleep. Bye!" Czechia says ending the call.

"-n last night?" Serbia continues putting the phone down. She sighs and sends out a few texts.

Next scene: Serbia is entering the Brussels building. She stops by the snack and beverages table with a friendly looking staff member. "How can I help you Madam?"

"I though I smelled some Cuban coffee. That's new" Serbia rejoices.

"Why yes. This is South America week. We promote the cultures of these nations by introducing the public to some local products. Would you like a cup?"

"Actually I have my own" she replies giving him her 1l thermos, "fill it up." The young man looks at her confused: "Madam, if I may be direct. The coffee is extremely concentrated. You may find-"

She smiles as she holds out the other hand in a stop motion. "I know how strong it is. I drank it when most of the people here were in elementary school" she adds returning her outreached hand to the strap of the old leather postal bag on her shoulder. With her other hand, she nudges the container closer to the staff member.

Next scene: Serbia enters the lift sipping her coffee. As the lift doors close we see her face looking a bit tired and her eyes half shut. When it reaches the top floor, the doors open again and we see her face alive, awake and fully alert.

All offices on that floor were reserved for the EU nations themselves. Germany's office was the first to the left after a long hallway.

She thinks aloud the whole way. "I'm getting a bad feeling about this. I should probably turn around and think of a good excuse." She passes a few more doors very slowly. "But then again I really need to catch up on my reports." Her face turns visibly frustrated. "How badly do I need to be a member of the EU anyway. I mean really, half of the rules don't make any sense."

Still walking, she continues her train f thought: "Wait, how did my bosses talk me into this again...Oh yeah, isolation, trade...free stuff. Even God loves free stuff _(old proverb)_." She stands in front of the office holding the rim of her nose as if fighting a headache. "I'm already regretting this" she mutters and knocks on the door.


	10. In short- Part 5

_**Ok..the story is much longer than I thought...This is not the last part. Oops!**_

"Good morning", Serbia says entering the office. All nations had the freedom to decorate it however they pleased. Germany's looked as if Prussia was his interior decorator. There is a large wooden desk completely covered with files of people both in the IN and OUT box. He is sitting at his desk looking at his computers screen smirking at something. He has bags under his eyes as if he didn't sleep well. "You really can't help yourself, can you?"

"Are you talking to me?" Serbia replies confused still holding the door handle.

"Do you see anyone else here? You've really outdone yourself this time."

"Am I late or something?" she says checking her phone for time and date frowning.

Germany continues smirking and shaking his head disapprovingly. He starts reading: "... _It was reported that a brawl occurred last night at the_ _EU cafe. During a drinking competition, one of the contestants, the Republic of Serbia, got covered in large quantities of beer. The enraged nation then got into a fight with two other neighbouring countries. In frustration, the aforementioned female nation pulled out a military knife and threw it ferociously before storming out of the locale_..."

She rolls her eyes: "Let me guess. You found that in some celebrity gossip magazine."

"It's in all major newspapers."

"No way."

"Way."

"Impossible. That's not what happened."

"It's here in black and white."

"That's not what happened!" she says with a big vain popping out of her head.

Germany frowns: "You expect me to discard what everyone on the World Wide Web is saying and believe you?"

"Yes! I mean...Ugh! I didn't get in a fight with anyone and I threw that knife just to look cool!"

"Alright, I'll play along. Why did I win the pool then?"

"What pool?"

He suddenly sneezes and a pile of papers flies in the air and covers the screen.

Next scene: Germany is at his office late in the evening. There are papers in huge bulks on his desk and next to it. He furiously mutters while stamping the documents one by one. His phone rings.

"Hey it's the Netherlands. You coming to the café tonight?"

"No, why?"

We see Germany from the back while the Netherlands voice can be heard as gibber-gabber.

Germany grumbles: "As if there are not enough problems in this Union." He then adds: "Sure, why not. Put me down for 'It will all turn into a complete catastrophe' and call me in the morning".

Another paper gets stamped with a big green stamp and it flies towards the screen covering it whole.

Serbia peels it off and says: "And then what happened?"

"The Netherlands called half an hour ago. He informed me I won a large sum" he says holding both hands folded near his face.

"Oh" Serbia is still holding the document. "Well a million other things could have happened. I'll get back to you on that. First things first. Can you check this?"

Next scene: Germany is at his his desk going over the document and muttering to himself. Serbia is at the far end of the room checking her phone deep in thought. We see on her screen that she sent messages to all her team members asking what happened last night. None of them replied. She then checks the news with a very unflattering photo of her. She hums disapprovingly.

"Who would write such mean things about me?", she looks at the far down right corner of the article and sees that Britain(England) is named as the author. Serbia frowns: "I can't understand why he has such a grudge towards me. I never did anything to him. Britain never came to my place or seemed to want to come. He just sits on his island, trows insults my way and pretends everything is fine."

Germany isn't listening. After a while he replies: "Incredible, but your report is good enough to be accepted. I don't see why..." He grumbles, puts one sheet towards the camera and points to one seemingly blank spot.

"What?" she asks confused.

"Look" he replies.

Serbia squints. "I don't see anything."

"Look closer."

Serbia squints again. There is a grease spot on it. "Have you eaten something while copying this?" Germany asks.

She puts a finger on her head trying to remember. A thought bubble forms in which a copier is printing out a page. Serbia pulls it out while eating a burek ( _a very greasy pastry, look it up for more details)_ The thought bubble bursts.

"Mmmm that was some good burek - with cheese", she says smiling and checks to see if there is a reaction.

"What?" Germany replies confused.

"I was just wondering if there are enough Bosnians in you to understand the reference."

"Is that like a 'Remove Kebab' thing?"

The smile from her face immediately disappears. "I hate that meme! Every time I hear it my right eye starts to hurt. I don't even call them kebabs. They're gyros!"

"That is not my problem. Copy this sheet again and it will be accepted."

"Thanks" content she takes her report. "Well this was fast and uneventful."

"Mhm. Now go away, I've got a lot more work to do" Germany says and grabs his 2 stamps. "And return the paper in your hand."

Serbia sees that she is still holding the document from earlier. She looks at the picture of a refugee on it. "Did you approve this guy?"

"Yes" Germany says looking at the documents in front of him, stamping them in rhythmic moves.

"He seems familiar. I think he's dangerous. I don't know why. I think I saw him back home in the nineties. Was it Kosovo or Bosnia, I can't remember."

Furious, he grabs the file and nearly assaults the keyboard in front of him. "And check his face without the beard. Even though radical Muslims don't like to shave, they do understand the concept of a razor."

He turns his swollen bloodshot eyes in her direction and then looks back at the screen. "You were right."

"See, I told you" she returns the document, grabs her bag and turns to the door.

"So how many cases can you take?"

Serbia realizes what she has done and facepalms herself. "I wish I could but I can't. I'm so busy. I have my economy to rebuild and everything..."

"I didn't ask if you could, I asked how many" he stared at her determined.

"Zero" Serbia wasn't ready to give in.

"Where is your humanity? These are hundred of thousand of men, women and tiny tiny children..."

"Oh spare me! You didn't care when I was going through the same thing. Thousands of my people in need and I was left all alone to care for them. I'm still recovering from that by the way." She grabs the door handle and realizes that it's locked. Her eyes widen in fear as she turns to Germany again. He is holding something that looks like a tiny remote.

The camera goes to Germany's stern face and closed eyes zooming in slowly. "I got tired of nations running away so I installed a remote-locking door. The windows are locked too if you were thinking of jumping. Now, I'm willing to negotiate but there are some things I simply cannot- HEY!"

The camera shows the room again and we see Serbia clutching the remote with both hands with her legs acting as a lever against the desk to gain momentum. Dumbstruck and being pulled forward with the remote, Germany grabs the side of the desk with his free hand.

"I'm not going to let you make me into a dumping ground for your ill thought out plans!" she screams exerting enormous effort to take the small device.

"I can't do this by myself! There are just too many of them!" he screams back while the veins on his forehead pulsates.

"Not my problem!"

"Oh, it is. They go through your place as well!"

"I knew this was a bad idea from the beginning! Instead I just shrugged it off assuming you knew what you were doing. That this was ' **Those on the hill see better than does bellow** **'** kind of thing."

Everything stops and we see Chibi Montenegro in the form of a stamp giving a thumbs up for the quote. Serbia smiles at the Chibi form, he disappears and the tug-of-war continues.

"You're only hurting the negotiations process."

"The hell I am! I'm getting out of this office even if it's the last thing I do!"

They stay like that for a while and then Germany starts yelling: "Remove kebab! Remove kebab! Remove kebab!"

In pain, Serbia grabs her right eye and false on the floor. He swiftly puts the remote in a drawer still puffing. She runs to the door and we hear her frantic thoughts: "How to get out. How to get out. Oh, if only I learned something useful on all those modern European values courses they made me take.''

Three dots appear over her head and trumpets are heard. She starts banging on the door: "Help! I'm being raped!"

Germany raises his eyebrow confused. She continues hitting the door and yelling.

"Oh please no one's going to believe that" he says calmly. Serbia turns looking smug "Doesn't this always work in Western Europe?"

He keeps staring at her: "That's not going to work."

"Why not?"

"Well for one thing" he stops and glances at a picture of Italy smiling with him in the back stockishly staring at him.

"Oh, right" Serbia touches the back of her head embarrassed. "Yeah, I know everything about...those kinds of relationships. I...I had a parade and stuff."

"Sure you do. Now if you would kindly sit down so we could discuss how many piles of these documents you are taking home with you?"

Her face turns red from anger and her hand clutches into a tight fist. She turns around, smiles menacingly and puts her hand into her purse. Germany frowns while swiftly opening a locked drawer. "Don't do anything stupid" he says.

The camera goes to Serbia's hand slowly pulling something out of the bag. Germany's shoulder twitches in anticipation. The camera goes to his eyes as his pupils shrink in fear. "You-you..." his voice trembles. The camera goes back to Serbia and we see her holding a lit cigarette in one hand with a lighter in another. (Because every smoker carries a lighter...duh)

She calmly takes in a puff and says: "Oh, I'm sorry. How rude of me. I forgot to ask if you want one."

"YOU CAN'T SMOKE IN A NO SMOKING ZONE!" he yells.

"I'll gladly look for a smoking free area if you would kindly let me out of your office."

"No, not until we negotiate the terms. Besides a little smoke won't kill me."

"Suit yourself" she adds smug while smoke moves in the direction of Germany's nostrils. As the smoke enters his nose like a ghost he starts to choke and cough. "What in the world is that!" he says while his eyes water.

"Oh, just a very very local brand" she exhales again and looks around. "You know what I like most about them. Their lingering smell. It is almost impossible to wash out. And it goes into everything. Furniture, clothes, drapes...everything." She inhales and exhales while Germany tries to hold his cough. "This is nothing more than a nuisance. I'm not budging."

"Wait for it" she says with a smile.

A few minutes later a click is heard and Serbia walks out of the office slowly with her head held high followed by a cloud of smoke. The doors close violently creating a draft.

"This is not over!" Germany's furious voice is heard. He is still coughing. "You still have to come in two weeks for progress evaluation! I'll like to see you get out of that one!"

Serbia gets angry again crushing her cigarette into fine powder in the process.

"I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING. DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT!" she yells at the closed door and storms off.


	11. In short -part 6

A slender female hand knocks on a white door.

"Hey France, it's Serbia...How are you feeling? Are you able to take up some more cases? Reconsidered taking my case again?" she asks with a nervous look on her face.

There is silence. A scene of her intense stare. A scene of the door.

"Unfortunately, little Serbia, I don't feel like doing anything these days. Ah...if you only knew the insufferable turmoil of my existence..." is heard from the closed door.

Serbia becomes even more nervous. "Do you maybe want to talk about it? I'm ready to listen, if you help me with my teeny-tiny problem."

"Oh, the pain, the pain! How am I supposed to continue like this. Ah...and I was such a powerhouse back in my day" the voice continues.

She sighs frustrated. "Look, I get that you have some serious problems, but you have a job to do."

Scene of the door, there is no reply.

"We're allies after all... Fought in two world wars. You should at least hear me out" she says and, after a brief silence, leans forward to hear better.

She flinches after hearing France. "It is all absurd I tell you! The world has gone mad! I remember a time when I had my revolution. The air was filled with optimism. And now ( _sighs in French_ _and continues complaining)_..."

While he continues talking, Serbia lets out a puff sigh and slouches. "Nevermind" she utters and moves towards the elevator. France keeps talking. After entering, she leans on the sides with the buttons, looking depressed and very sleepy.

Austria enters. He is elegantly dressed and wearing large headphones that match his glass frames. He is completely unaware that someone is there with him. Serbia face lightens up, utterly in disbelief. She taps him on the shoulder. Austria takes off his headphones. We hear beautiful classical music coming from them. He sees her and quickly turns back.

"If I didn't know any better, I would say you've been avoiding me" she says visibly gloating.

"Oh course not. How have you been. Long time no see" he says with a semi-smile while his leg nervously twitches.

"Yeah, almost a century. If I remember correctly, the last time we saw each other you were shouting some pretty mean things my way" she raises her eyebrow still smirking.

"Well...I was emotional then" he says with a seemingly monotone voice.

"I still recall you telling me that you were going to gouge my eyes out and make a pair of ballsa…

"Let's talk about anything else!" he shouts as he turns.

"...with it. Ok" she says still in a good mood. They stand in silence like that for what seems a long time. Austria impatiently stares at the door while Serbia hums a tune. "You know, I've been thinking of writing about WWI?" she finally says.

"Oh" he says in a calm manner but his face, turned towards the screen, seems nervous.

"Yes. You all had your fun for long enough. Now it's my turn" Serbia answers calmly.

Austria stares at the elevator door. When they fail to open he continues angry: "Whatever, it's not like anyone cares what you have to say. You're a mess. Always was and always will be..."

"I know" she interrupts.

"Pardon?"

"I said I know. I am a mess. I have a unique talent to get myself into a lot of trouble. I'm disorganized, in a deep depression, oh and my most capable people tend to keep to themselves while the yellers and attention-seekers run the show. I could go on but, you know, I would rather write about something else...

Austria is confused, he almost feels the need to say something nice but gets interrupted.

"...And don't worry I won't make you look **that** bad" she says as a comfort.

"Why you little troll! Do you know what I went through during that atrocious war. It cost me my wonderful multinational monarchy. My lineage. I had famines, riots, mutinies, chaos on the streets… I had to build myself up from the rubble of democracy...

"Whine about it all you want, but you had it pretty good after that. I've seen you're place. You don't have much to complain about. Except that no one takes you seriously anymore."

He straightens his expensive-looking jacket and continues: "You don't know what I have to go through every day."

Serbia becomes irritated by the conversation but continues to talk in a calm matter. "At least you don't have to deal with Albania, or Croatia's bad attitude."

He becomes quiet and starts thinking that there is something wrong with the elevator. "Fair point..." he finally says.

After that he bangs on the door irritated. "Why doesn't this horrendous metal cage work?!" he says through his teeth.

Serbia presses the button and the elevator opens. She walks out and says to him while passing by: "You aren't very observant, are you?"

He frowns and takes off his glasses to clean them. Serbia walks out of the building.

"I may be a mess but at least I don't pretend my sh*t doesn't smell" she says to herself regretting she didn't think of it earlier. Then she buys a dart board and goes back to the EU café.

 _Last part coming soon. So as I mentioned I will write more stories like this and when I do, I will post info on my profile page. Oh and please don't copy and post my work elsewhere. If you like it, read it here. If you don't, do literary anything else._


	12. In short -final part

_**Soooo does anyone still use the name Czechia? I see Czech Republic being used officially... Of well, I used one name, better not change it for the final chapter.**_

The inside of the EU café is surprisingly quiet. Only Slovakia is there, cleaning the glasses at the bar. Serbia sits down and says hello.

"Hey there. What would it be?" Slovakia says with a smile.

Serbia seems drowsy. She yawns and adds: "Actually, I didn't come to drink. I came to give you this. Sorry I recked the other one." Serbia then gives him a dart board.

He looks at it a little confused. "Thanks, but you didn't have to bother. I have a truck load of them in the back. You would be surprised how many get smashed on a regular basis."

She raises her eyebrow. "Really?! By who?"

"By everyone. Some of the EU nations really go nuts after they had one too many."

"Oh..." she puffs out some air and mumbles to herself "How interesting. Can't read about that in the newspapers, can you?"

"Um... are you sure you don't want a drink? It's on the bar" Slovakia tries to sound slick.

Serbia doesn't need a lot to be persuaded. "Oh, well if you insist. A jug of coffee, please."

"Don't you mean..."

"I know what I said."

He leans back and starts pouring the water.

"Almost forgot" he says putting an ashtray near her seat.

"No need. You can put that away. I'm done smoking for today" she says clearing her thought.

Next scene: A jug covered in coffee residue is placed on the bar. The two are still chatting.

"So can you tell me what happened here after I left?" she asks.

"Well" Slovakia brings a shot glass he was cleaning to his face and turns the bottom towards the camera. We only see the bottom of the glass until The Netherlands brings it down from his face looking drunk as a mother.

He leans his hand on drowsy Macy's shoulder and yells joyfully: "This is really strong. You sure know how to make a good drink. You know, we can make some good business together, if you know what I mean..."

"Get away from her!" shouts Bulgaria intoxicated.

The Netherlands opponent was Romania. His face was calm. Without the slightest redness on his cheeks, he would silently take a shot and chug it. After that he would hide his arms into his cape. Too drunk to function, the Netherlands collapses with his head falling on Macy's shoulder.

The camera moves from the table to Czechia who is at the bar and seems unhappy. She got bored of her teammates pretty quickly. "This is not how I imagined my evening will end up" she says to someone.

"Seems like a regular evening to me" Slovakia answers before being interrupted by Bulgaria's shouting: "I'm serious man! Back off, she's my girl!" which was followed by Macy's: "Enough! I'm not your property! I can talk to whoever I want!"

"Okay, you may be right there" Slovakia corrects himself.

"That's not what I meant" Czechia says calmly but a menacing purplish shine begins to exude from her body. "Then what?" he continues cautiously.

"Well, let's see. It's almost closing time. Everyone around me is drinking and having a great time and I'm still sober!" she says the last part with an extremely irritated tone as her aura turns Russia purple.

"Oh, I see" he steps back shielding himself from her angry glow. Not losing eye-contact, he slides her a flaming shot glass which she drinks quickly and lightens up a bit.

Next scene: "Way the go Romania!" Bulgaria taps him on the shoulder. Romania still stays silent with his eyes closed. "Are you okay?" Bulgaria continues.

Romania's eyes suddenly become wide open. His face becomes demonic. He holds his cape uo dramatically as he shouts: "Oh course I am! I'm a vampire! See me flyyyyyyyyyyy!" He then quickly gets up and runs around before he hit his head on one of the pillars.

"That was pretty unexpected" drunk Greece speaks. "Does this means it's a tie?" The other's, who are still able to keep their heads up, look at him.

"I guess so. What are we going to do now?" Bulgaria says while picking Romania off the floor. We can see cartoon bats circulating around his hit head.

"Excuse me" someone behind them says. Everyone turns. It's Finland. He looks at them in silence for a while maintaining a respectable distance.

"Yeah, what do you want?" someone from the table mumbles.

Finland musters the courage to speak and starts: "I couldn't help but notice your competition. It seems fun. And I like the reward." He then stops and scratches his head embarrassed: "Could I maybe join in?"

"Well, we're kind of done" Macy says while pushing the unconscious Netherlands back into a straight position. Finland bows his head.

"Right. Too bad for all this liquor. We didn't even finish half of it" Greece joins in barely keeping his head up. Finland looks at the unopened bottles, thinks for a minute and then suggests: "How about this...if I drink all of that before closing time, would you allow me to participate?"

"If you drink all of that and stay conscious, you can pick the music every day of the week" Bulgaria snickers.

"Thanks, but one night is just fine" a shy smile is seen on Finland's face. He grabs the first bottle and drinks it instantaneously. Everyone opens their mouth in shock. The scene is interrupted by a strange noise. It's Serbia's message tone.

She reads the replies giggling. "Sounds like it was a blast. Now I'm sorry I missed it" she says and starts rubbing her eyes.

"Are you ok?" Slovakia asks.

"It seems I'm too sleepy to function. I'm weak and don't think I have enough strength to go back home."

"Oh. Do you want me to call someone?"

Serbia is still rubbing her eyes. After a big yawn she says: "No need. Just make me another coffee. I'm sure it will give me the energy I need." He happily obliges her.

Next scene: It's been a few hours. The bar is filled with cups and brown stains. Serbia has dark circles under her eyes and her hands shakes. It's obvious that the coffee isn't helping. Sleep-deprived, she slurs and says whatever is on her mind.

"...I mean really. My life is already hard as it is. The whole Kosovo thing. And, they're advancing, you know. You can see houses losing their front windows in more and more of my cities*. _(*Albanians don't like others looking into their houses)_

And everything because...Who do they think they are anyway..." she rambles her heart out. Slovakia is quietly listening while arranging the bottles. She continues: "For example, I've got this rash…"

"Rash? What kind of rash?" Slovakia stops what he's doing.

"Well, here, here, here and here" she points to her legs, stomach, arms etc. "It's funny, I had it ever since the last bombing, but it started acting up again recently...Do you think it's because of the..."

"I don't know how to politely say this but please change the subject!" Slovakia breaks out in nervous sweat.

"Right, sorry... I've probably bored you to tears with my wining. It was very hard to stop, you are such a good listener" she says. Slovakia is flattered and opens his mouth to say something right before Serbia starts again: "I mean really. How did you survive with such egomaniacs around you for so long?"

"Well...first of all it's important to see others as they really are rather than how they portray themselves. When you get passed all of the fancy words and pretenses, you get to the core of what everyone wants which is usually something basic. Food, safety, companionship etc. Once you figured it out, it's easier to negotiate and maybe even get something for yourself."

She nods and sets her tired head onto her shaking hand. "I'll have to remember that. Say Slovakia do you have some stronger coffee? I don't think this is working. My legs are still wobbly."

"I think you had enough. It's probably better to call someone to pick you up."

"Please, just one more. Then I can go" Serbia puts her palms together and then rests her head on them. Her eyes are half opened.

Slovakia scratches his head: "Alright, just one more". He then turns his back to her to pour the water. "Speaking of pretenses and reality, I must say, I don't really know that much about you. I would like to fix that, if possible. Maybe we could hang out more." A single sweat drop falls from his forehead. There is only silence. His retina becomes smaller as he turns to her.

Serbia's head is on her folded arms. She is sound asleep. Slovakia checks to see if she is really sleeping, makes a disappointed face and sighs.

Next scene: We see the bar's entrance. Really loud metal music is playing in the background. As the instrumental intro is reaching it's peak, Montenegro walks in, the exact moment the singer starts shrieking. Montenegro is confused by this. He pulls his sunglasses up and approaches the bar.

Next scene: The rest of the place is almost empty. Only one table is occupied by the Nordic States. We see Finland's face in total bliss. "This is nice" he says smiling. Finish metal music continues to play in the background.

"I agree. This is great" replies Norway, whose face is prominent in this scene. Then we see the heads of other Nordic Five nodding approvingly. The group sits quietly, sipping their drinks and listening to the music.

"Finland, can I ask you something?" Sweden asks.

"Okay"

"Why do you have an IV in your arm?" The camera then zooms out and we see the whole group with Finland in the middle, who is in a hospital gown, holding a metal IV holder.

"Oh, that...well, last night's binge took a lot out of me. I almost died."

"Oh..." Iceland adds.

"But that's okay. The doctor allowed me a 2-hour leave."

Everyone at the table becomes quiet again and their evening continues.

Next scene: At the bar. Montenegro stands. His head is barely the hight of the wooden bar.

"Are you the male voice how called from my little sister's phone" he says staring menacingly at Slovakia. Slovakia is confused: "Yes. Why are you staring at me like that?"

Montenegro keeps staring in silence. "Where is she?" he finally asks.

Slovakia feels uncomfortable. "In the back, I'll see if she's awake" he says moving to the door. "Stop" Montenegro raises his hand. Still staring menacingly, he adds: "What are your intentions with her?"

"What?!" Slovakia says god-smacked.

"Did you do something to her while she was out?"

"Are you serious?! Of course not. I would never!" Slovakia starts too panic, waving his arms frantically.

Montenegro frowns still staring. Slovakia's frightened eyes, Montenegro's angry eyes.

"I trust you. Besides, incapacitated or not, she would still rip your face off if you did."

Slovakia twitches.

"However, if you do try something… How much money do you plan to give me?"

The mid-European nation can't stand it anymore. Very quickly, he pours some liquor into a shot glass, flames it and chugs it in a matter of seconds. "Why on earth would I give you money?!" he says shocked.

"Well" Montenegro puts his arm on his chin "it's customary in our two nations for the groom to give money to the bride's brother when taking her away."

"How...barbaric" Slovakia utters. His face shows a mix of confusion and panic, which is very nicely emphasized by the music in the background.

"What's that racket?" Serbia's voice us heard. She comes out from the employee's room rubbing her eyes.

Montenegro grunts while Slovakia seems relieved. She comes to the bar and puffs aggressively at Montenegro. "Did you try to sell me off again?" she asks him calmly.

Montenegro sulks and crosses his hands in protest. "You always ruin everything" he says and moves towards the door.

Serbia shakes her head. She then turns to Slovakia: "Sorry about him. I'm not really blessed with a supportive family, you know."

"It's okay, really. I have some weird traditions myself" Slovakia says in a friendly way.

"You're probably having doubts about getting to know me after this, aren't you?" she says bluntly.

Slovakia almost chokes on air. "No, no. That's not true..." Serbia smiles. Montenegro screams: "ARE YOU COMING!"

"IN A MINUTE!" Serbia screams back. She turns to Slovakia again and waves goodbye. He does the same. In the end he is left alone in the bar with the Nordic Five still sitting at the table.

"This is nice" Finland repeats happy. "Yeah" says Denmark. Everyone else agrees by nodding.

 _ **Finally, it's DONE! Hope this didn't offend anyone. It is a silly anime fiction of an even sillier show so take it with a grain of salt. See ya!**_


End file.
